Tuesday night we brainstormed a list of questions, because Bob had an appointment with his plastic surgeon Wednesday morning and with his general surgeon in the afternoon. I went in both times, before this I just sat in the waiting room, but Bob wanted me to ask things and also hear the answers. The plastic surgery appointment was a regular one, but the general surgery appointment was more of a Q&A session, not a check up.

Both doctors are extremely nice, but the general surgeon is especially nice. I think he would probably have been better suited to being a GP, in terms of his personality. He brought a resident with him, and she said nothing, but I think she was probably there so she could see how to handle patient concerns.

We went down our list with each doctor - in some cases we had different questions for them, in others we asked the same things to each of them. It sounded to me as if the barrel stomach / pot belly outcome from this next surgery happens to almost everyone, at least to some degree, so Bob will very likely wind up with a larger waist than he has now, and it will be a permanent change in his body. This was the one area where the plastic surgeon did not seem especially concerned - he said Bob has a belly already and it seemed like he was thinking, "why would you care?" (I guess he doesn't understand that after losing so much weight, it is disturbing to learn that your waist will increase regardless of those efforts.) I am not sure he would have been as honest about this outcome if he didn't know that Bob had watched the surgery video on the internet.

Bob said he could understand the plastic surgeon's attitude, though. After sitting in the waiting room - there are only three types of people there: beautiful people getting boob jobs, face lifts, or botox, a couple of people who are there for some exotic serious surgery (like Bob) that the plastic surgeon specializes in, and then the majority: morbidly obese people who are getting lapbands or gastric bypasses, or having tummy tucks etc. to remove excess skin from bariatric surgery weight loss. So, Bob said the plastic surgeon probably is disgusted after having to deal with all those fat people who bring problems on themselves. [One bummer for Bob is that a lot of people assume he has had bariatric surgery, not that he lost weight on his own; or that his weight loss is the cause of his current problem. Both things are not true.]

He told Bob that he cannot give him a cosmetic navel - too much other stuff going on during this surgery.

He will probably use porcine (pig) mesh, since it is the strongest next to the synthetic. (This kind of freaks me out since I am such an animal rights person, but I am trying to keep my feelings to myself.) He will have three drains. He will likely still be infected, but with a biological mesh, the body can eliminate it.

We mentioned Bob's RA to the plastic surgeon. The general surgeon already knew about it, but we wanted to be sure the plastic surgeon was aware of it too. I asked if Bob's body might be rejecting the mesh because of it and also might reject the biological mesh for the same reason. The plastic surgeon wasn't aware of a connection - he said he didn't think so but I could see he made note of it. Probably will have a resident do some research on the subject.

The general surgeon visit was much more comforting. He told us that he doesn't want Bob to have this surgery, even more than Bob doesn't want to have it, but he sees no other way to clear the infection, the synthetic mesh has to come out. He said he can control the infection indefinitely with antibiotics, but Bob really can't stay on them forever and once they are stopped, the infection will flare. He said the mesh won't be grown in and will be easy to take out, because the infection prevents it being grown into his body, even after this long.

Bob will be in the hospital about a week, and will probably be out of work about 6 weeks, but the general surgeon said that Bob can work from home or even go in part-time as soon as he feels well enough - maybe 3-4 weeks after surgery. The same is true of driving - he said as soon as Bob feels well enough, he can drive - maybe as early as 2-3 weeks after surgery.

I really pushed on how many lifelong limitations Bob will have - I have thought what they have been saying is BS (that he will be able to resume a nearly normal life). I said, we really want to reduce the risk that he will have a recurrance (about 30 percent do). So, they were more honest - the plastic surgeon said no air conditioners, no refrigerators, in fact, no coolers full of ice. The general surgeon said 25 pounds will be his limit. So I guess my increased activity level will be a permanent part of my life - not a bad thing, actually, since I have always exercised my brain more than my body (one benefit for me has been a drop of about 10 pounds, to my college weight).

I also requested a private room for Bob's hospital stay. The general surgeon said he can ask, but not guarantee. This is something that I plan to really insist upon. If I don't get a guarantee from the hospital, Bob is going to ask the boss of his boss to contact his high level contact at the hospital. He had offered to get Bob a referral to a place like Presbyterian in NYC - which Bob isn't interested in - so this should be a piece of cake for him.

I told the general surgeon that I want to be kept better informed when Bob is in the recovery room, and he immediately said that this is my right and he agrees and will be sure that happens. (Last time I sat there in the dark for hours, wondering why it was taking so long, when he was throwing up, having blood pressure drops, etc.) I told him I am not the type of person to freak out so I need to know what is happening. I asked that the surgery be in the morning, and this he could not promise - but he said it will be during the day. Neither of us was happy with that, so Bob may contact the plastic surgeon (since it not definitely being in the morning may be his call, not the general surgeon's).

I asked how they are going to be sure that Bob doesn't get the complications (puking, blood loss) that he had last time. He said the pre-operative testing will help, and the anesthesiologist will be made aware, so they will reduce the chance - but can't guarantee it won't happen again. I guess Bob must just be very sensitive.

After all this, the general surgeon said "these are easy questions, are you saving the hard ones for last?" And we said, yes. Bob told him, I want you to put on your faculty hat while we discuss this. He whipped out the journal article that the Pakastani doctor wrote, and the email thread that he has had with him. The general surgeon took the article, said "oh, it's in English," looked it over. We could see he was surprised that we found it, and he was not familiar with it. Also, he was impressed with it - I think he suspected after speaking to Bob on the phone that it was some piece of crap from a nutjob on the internet, not a real peer-reviewed academic journal. He also seemed surprised that Bob had emailed the doctor, and that the doctor had responded.

He wasn't encouraging at all about being able to use the same approach - he said it isn't standard practice in the USA. He had questions about how the 13 patients are doing today, whether they still need to take antibiotics or have needed additional treatment (our impression from the Pakistani doctor is no.) He wasn't familiar with the antibiotic (it isn't approved by the FDA for use in the US) and he wondered if we do have something in the same class. I told him that it is widely used in Canada, Australia, Europe... and I guess Pakistan (both the general surgeon and the resident laughed when I added that, and then chuckled again when I said it is approved for veterinary use in the US, so I guess if our dog ever had a mesh infection he will be fine).

Bob explained that we learned there have been 51 adverse reactions to it (liver damage) and that in Europe, they have developed a genetic test to see if you can take it - apparently Northern Europeans are more susceptible to side effects, which would explain why it is more widely used in Pakistan and not available here. Anyway, he kept the journal article and Bob is going to forward to him the emails he received from the Pakistani doctor.

Something else the general surgeon told us is that he only has had 2 patients get a mesh infection. He said he really appreciates that Bob came back to him, because that doesn't usually happen. He said that he has seen many more than 2 with infections because when someone gets one, they generally change doctors. So he takes new patients who have infections, but had the original surgery done by someone else.

Bob said, hey people buy lottery tickets and expect to win, and the odds are much better of getting an infection than of winning the lottery. I think the general surgeon could tell that we are pretty skeptical, so he said, you can't have all the bad luck. This time it will go well, you will be swimming in your pool next summer.

Bob is pretty comfortable at this point. He is not happy about the pot belly thing, but he said he will work on accepting that and maybe he will have good luck and be one of the few who don't get it.

One good thing, they were having a Brooks Chicken BBQ at the hospital, so we took that as a sign. We got chickens for Thursday (Wednesday evening we went right from the general surgery appointment to Lark Street and ate out).

Later in the week, he got a call from the holistic doctor's office - the lab results on his drain effluent came back. So he has an appointment with them tomorrow.

We've entered the phase where we are having a good time and entertaining ourselves - since he is facing such an ordeal, and will be laid up for six weeks. Friday night we went to see a community theatre group's production of The Producers. And we are doing the restaurant circuit, even more than usual.

I was in Samsonville from Thursday to Monday - attended the HS reunion Friday and Saturday nights. Had a good time! The trip set me back a little in terms of work, but not too bad. I am not 100% caught up yet, and tomorrow I have to accompany Bob to several doctor's appointments, but I should be OK (as long as I get right back to it on Thursday. Class ends 7/31 so there is no time for procrastination.

We've had a several day stretch of no rain - it hasn't been hot, though, especially at night (I'm not complaining). Tomorrow, I am headed to Samsonville for my 30 year high school reunion. I'll be back Monday. So, I have been working diligently to be sure I am not at all behind in the class. I don't my trip to cause a backlog. This afternoon, I have to weed whack.

Finally, a day where the tomato plants might just grow a little.

Work continues...and continues...and continues on the street.

Bob's third surgery is scheduled for August 6.

My sister has a new painting blog.

The Samsonville weekend worked out fine. The weather was gorgeous (and since then it has resumed raining). The pool looks good but it wasn't warm enough to swim. We sat on the deck and had lots of company. The 4th was more low key than usual but that is OK. I will be back down there in two weeks (for my 30 year high school reunion).

The class is now at 40 students. There are a couple of others who probably should drop. They have until the 29th (only two days before the semester ends, which is odd) so it isn't crucial yet.

The crew has been working on the road nearly nonstop near our house. I'm still not in the mood to complain since it has been such a long time coming - but it will be wonderful when it is finally done.

I have resigned myself that the garden isn't going to amount to much this year. Bummer!

Add / drop has ended; the enrollment in my class is 43 students!

Work has ceased on the road, I assume they have the day off for the holiday. Still can't park in front of the house, which will make loading the car a challenge. We're off to Samsonville for the first time since Easter.

We had such a downpour last evening that there was a river running down the hill, and the ravine had a stream at the bottom. All the work on the street has corrected any water from coming into our basement when it rains, and I was thrilled. We would have had several inches in the past. (And given Bob's condition, it would have been me mopping it up.) It also didn't cut a path through my garden. Instead, because they had the sidewalk dug (and the markings for the curb were in, I'm sure they planned to put it in today), the water raged down the future sidewalk, and poured into my neighbor's yard. As a result, today they are having to do a lot of re-work - once again, in the rain. We can't park in front of the house until it is done.

I'm sure that the heavy rain did nothing good for the seeds I planted. A decent harvest this year doesn't seem possible.

Bob went to a holistic medical practice yesterday, and his regular GP today. Of course, the GP just validated everything the surgical team has been saying. He felt a lot better after going to the holistic practice. That's the kind of second opinion he needed.

As of today (the last day to drop without getting "W"): I have 44 students.

Work on the street continues. Our so-called sidewalk was completely ripped up yesterday. Now it is quite a drop from the porch door to the street. They are doing a very neat job. They did break one of my tomato plants, an heirloom that was planted near the sidewalk, in the upper bed. It was the Cherokee Purple. I think I may have salvaged it last night, though. Its little stem wasn't completely snapped, so I tied it up, gave it a drink, and it still looks OK today. Even so, I am glad about the work. It was a long time coming. It will be nice when it is done, although I am not eager for cars to resume speeding up Green Avenue again. Some still go too fast, even with the obstacle course.

Today they are working out there again. I hope they don't damage any other plants. I am a little concerned about the storm. They have not taken a break, even with rain, thunder and lightening. It isn't a terrible storm, but still. I resisted going outside to tell them that common sense should dictate that they go sit in their pickup trucks until the lightening stops. I suppose they are under a deadline, but regardless, you think they would know better.

On another subject, I am keeping myself 100% on top of the class at this point. Not sure whether things will stay that way, but it is an effort to even out my workload, take precautions just in case complications in my life arise, and strengthen class community. We'll see if it works. The enrollment right now is 45. That's my largest class ever, whether in the classroom or online.

Back to gardening, the beans are all up, but the cucumbers seem to have been eaten by birds (or maybe the seeds rotted), so I re-planted today. A few days ago I saw a female Cardinal in the garden, pecking away. I watched anxiously, not because of the seeds (although I admit to being a little worried), but because she seemed to have trouble figuring out how to get out of the fence, and I was wondering what to do if I had to intervene. I also re-planted a few of the beans, because some of the plants had the leaves chewed off, leaving only stems. Not sure whether slugs were the culprit (with all the dampness, probably), or a groundhog. This morning I saw a half-grown groundhog tangled in the fence, and again, I watched and worried, equally about the plants and the critter. I opened the kitchen window and hollered, "now you get out of there," and s/he stared right back at me. I don't know if s/he had gotten into the garden and I noticed only on the way out (after eating my beans), or if the fence worked, and s/he was tangled from the outside.

In both cases, nature took care of itself - the Cardinal flew away and joined her mate on a tree stump after a few tries, and the groundhog got free of the fence and scampered down the hill, accompanied by another groundhog that was at least as big as Sophie (and much fatter). What a relief! Slugs I don't like (and if they were the cause I will get them to drown themselves in beer) but the Cardinal was beautiful and the groundhog was adorable.

When the rain clears, I must get a picture of the rosebush near the garden to post here. It is especially gorgeous this year!

I'm sorry. Pabst, winner of the ugliest dog contest, is adorable!!

I've had a few things in mind to post here lately (including how irritated I was over Roger Ebert's review of My Sister's Keeper...but since I haven't seen the movie, I decided that would keep). Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, what can you say? As a teen in the '70s and young adult in the '80s I admit to feeling sad.

Bob's doing well, although the third surgery is becoming more likely. Still hoping that turns out to not be the case. The weather has changed from continuously overcast and rainy, to sunny during some parts of the day, raining during others. The endive is up!

What motivates me to write today, though, is that yesterday, faculty received an email about changes in textbook ordering, sparked by revisions in the reauthorization of the Higher Education Opportunity Act. We have to have our book orders in by October 1 for Spring and March 1 for Summer and Fall. This is supposed to enable timely access to affordable course materials for students.

Although those dates are very early, I don't have a big problem with the deadines (I usually get mine in kind of early anyway), and I do believe in helping students with making books affordable (I have copies of all of mine on reserve at the library), but I am concerned about one aspect of the legislation, "Reference to this textbook information on any printed course catalogues." Anytime I have referenced the printed course catalogues, there are many things in there that are out of date - making the information available online is not much of an issue, but I don't think the printed versions are revised very often. Since I change some books about once a year, does this mean that out of date information will be in there? And then students could have purchased obsolete materials and expect faculty to accommodate them? (Might this force faculty to change books less often?)

How did this slip through from the Feds without so much as a whimper from colleges?

Wow, a summer day! I planted endive and marigold seeds. Next up, cucumbers, beans and more marigolds.

The construction on our street is really moving along today - they arrived at 6:30 AM! I guess they wanted to take advantage of the weather.

The sun came out briefly - I ran outside, planted the parsley, oregano and coleus, did poop patrol, picked up all the dog toys and put them in the washer (Sam takes them outside - there must have been 20 plush toys out there), and weed wacked.

Tomorrow, I'll plant the seeds.

The weather is starting to get to me! Not raining at present, but it is so gloomy. To look at things in a half-full way, if it was warm and sunny, we would be pining away for the pool and Samsonville - since we can't go there, it is less bittersweet.

But I want to plant the seeds! I got two parsely plants, oregano and a coleus over the weekend. I think I will plant them today, whether it is raining or not. Tomorrow is supposed to be a nice day (I'll believe it when I see it), and if so, I will get the seeds in and weed wack. The grass loves all the rain and soon it will be up to my knees.

Class starts today. 51 students enrolled! They all won't stay in, though.

We're having a (brief) break in the rain, so I planted the rest of the tomatoes. This year I planted fourteen, representing nine varieties. In the garden I have three heirloom plants: Arkansas Traveler, Stupice and Wisconsin 55, plus two Big Boys (a hybrid). In the flower bed, I have one heirloom: Cherokee Purple, as well as four Big Boy plants. In containers, I have four heirloom varieties: Chadwick Cherry, Yellow Pear, Burbank and Marvel Striped.

I already planted regular basil, an Aconcagua Sweet Pepper, Holy Basil, Peruvian Purple Chile Pepper and Purple Di Milpa Tomatillo in containers, also some marigolds here and there, a geranium and two hanging baskets of petunias. The chile pepper doesn't look too good, but the others are doing OK (the regular basil is thriving).

It looks like the rain will finally stop on Monday, so I'll plant the cucumber, green bean, endive and marigold seeds on Tuesday. I had planted lettuce and parsley seeds, but with the rain, hail and cold, they didn't amount to anything.

This is the latest I've ever gotten the plants in. It had better be a warm September or the harvest will be pitiful! Except for the number of tomato plants, it is a lot less than I usually do. Life has been too turbulent, and the weather hasn't cooperated. Nothing planted in Samsonville, of course - although last fall we put in some perennials, including Hydrangea - hope they are all thriving!

Bob went into work today for the first time - he is approved to work half-days.

I purchased the domain name www.gullybrookpress.com from yahoo in 2002. It redirected to my AOL hometown site. I remembered that I should have it redirect to my new verizon site. I was able to get into my yahoo account, but apparently I didn't use it to buy the domain. Finally, after days of emailing help, I figured it out and it now redirects to the new place.

Now, I have to finish all the virtual museums that are under construction, and it will be all set.

I took advantage of the nice day and rototilled my garden! I only planted the tomato plants and some marigolds, though. We are supposed to have rain for several days in a row and seeds would rot. My ankle held up pretty well, but lugging the 'tiller around wasn't easy.

My summer class is all ready. It starts in a week, but students have access now.

Lots of excitement here in Castleton this weekend. Besides the two-day celebration for Hudson 400, the high school boys baseball team won the state championship. Now, I am not much of a sports enthusiast, but when I was in Stewarts' last night, the clerk (associate? Not sure what they are called at Stewarts') told me about the win and said the Village would be having a parade down Main Street at 11 pm. I could hardly believe it, but with the atmosphere very upbeat from the flotilla, who knows? It was raining at 11 pm - but sure enough, I could hear the sirens from the parade.

Here's the Times Union story about the flotilla celebration in Castleton.



And here's my picture of the John J. Harvey

This afternoon, we went to Schodack Island State Park to see the Historic Flotilla on its was to docking at the Castleton Boat Club, as part of Castleton's & Schodack's celebration of the Hudson/Champlain 400 (and Fulton 200).



The Half Moon



The Clearwater



The OnRust

In the morning, Bob had another follow up appointment. It seems to doctors are in consensus that he is going to need another surgery. It's very hard to accept.

Bob had his second follow-up appointment today. It went OK. He looks and feels well, and I think we were more optimistic going in than we were afterwards. But he did get cleared to go back to work for half days, starting June 18. He has another appointment Friday, and two more in two weeks. I really hope he doesn't need another surgery eventually.

The walk in the hospital really killed my ankle. Did the same thing last week. It felt so much better this morning, but tonight it is really bothering me. I don't learn!

In this post, I mentioned Edible Arrangements. Recently, when I was casting around for an appropriate thank you gift for the people who have done so many good deeds for us recently, I remembered it. I have sent eight - and everyone loves them. I just have to mention what a great idea it is. They seem to deliver everywhere, and it is flawless. Highly recommended.

Still working on the website. I'll have to switch to focusing on the online class soon, though.

That and the garden. I bought some plants today!

I finished restoring my GBP website - at least for now. I'm sure I'll add more, and tweak what's there.

Added: I still have work to do. A lot of the site is fine, but four pages of the virtual museum need to have photos uploaded.

Bob is OK. He looks well and is improving, but it is slow going. I have a feeling it will be like this for months. I'm really hoping we can get to Samsonville for July 4. The pool is open (what a great family I have. The pool, the rides...). The grass is mowed. I am not sure whether Bob will be cleared to swim by then, though.

I finished my big end-of-year advisement projects - just about a month late. Now my plate is cleared and I can garden! I ordered some live plants from Seeds of Change (as well as my usual seed order). My summer session class doesn't start until the end of June (50 students have registered - but I'm sure a lot will drop).

Bob had his follow up appointment today. The doctor believes he will probably need a third surgery, but we are focused on that maybe not being the case. He looks and feels well. He wasn't cleared to drive or go back to work (no surprise about the work), and he has two appointments next week.

The cab was late! Very anxiety producing. What made it worse, there has been a lot or work being done on our street for about the past 10 months or so. It's a one way street, but often you can't drive the correct way on it. So this may have contributed to the hold up. As a result the ride to the hospital increased my car phobia at least +10. (I was envisioning inventing a phobia game...)

Edna killed a chipmunk! I was not happy. She brought it on the patio so I could see it. And of course, I had to deal with it. (One of the many jobs that I never have to do, that I now have to do.) I felt sad for the cute little thing. But Edna is really amazing - she must be around 17 at this point and still vital.

My ankle is so tired! Walking around in Albany really pushed it more than even the stairs or weed wacking at home (this morning it actually felt like it was on the mend).

One student emailed - complaining about the grade (an A-!). I didn't budge, of course.

Bob's follow up appointment is tomorrow afternoon (actually today; I just haven't gone to bed yet so to me it is still Tuesday). I know he is apprehensive. He seems pretty well overall but there are moments when he struggles. Please let him be on the road to recovery.

Bob is still doing well. We are very hopeful.

I am managing, in terms of my ankle. It is very bruised and still swollen. It hurts the most in the morning, after I get up. I use my cane in the living room. I also ice it on and off all day. Bob is able to carry small things downstairs so I can hold the bannister all the way. Since I don't drive and Bob's follow up isn't until Wednesday, I couldn't go to church today. That's a very rare event for me. I love the walk to and from church, but there was no way I could walk that far. However, I did clean up the yard and I started weed wacking (then the battery died).

Since I'm favoring the left and I have problems even on a good day - my right leg is protesting.

Sophie had some kind of episode last night. We are not sure if Sam hurt her leg while playing, she had a mild seizure, or she had a nervous breakdown because we have been focused elsewhere and she isn't getting the attention she usually commands. Any of those are possibilities. She is still acting kind of weird, but she seems OK, like nothing obvious is wrong physically.

Grades are done!! Yay!!!!!!!!

Now if Bob was well, and I didn't have a sprained ankle...we would go out to dinner to celebrate.

Bob looks and feels well. We are in sort of a holding pattern, waiting to see if he can keep the mesh. Several posts ago, I wrote that I wasn't going to share the details of his experience. This morning I told him that I think it will be a good idea for him to write up something about his experience and I will post it somewhere - either as a post here on my ejournal or on my verizon hosted Gully Brook Press website (still under construction, btw - it is a summer project).

I made a lot of progress on grades yesterday and I plan to submit them on Monday. Yippee!

Bob is coming home today!

I am aiming to be done with grades on Monday.

Bob is getting better, but he's still in the hospital. Not sure when he will be coming home.

The wedding was wonderful. But, I sprained my ankle right at the end of the reception. A combination of inattention to where I was walking, 3 drinks, feet always a little bad when they're tired, and heel spur...and I fell completely down, but didn't hurt myself otherwise. (I did break my wine glass in the fall - I am glad, actually. It was full and would have been my 4th, and I definitely didn't need it). It didn't really hurt and I was able to walk around with no problem. On the ride home, I took my shoe off because I could tell it was swelling. After I got home from the wedding - I thought, wow, this is an ER level sprain. But I iced it all night, even when I was sleeping and it was somewhat better in the morning. I iced it on and off today too. Motrin helps. The ankle is swollen and bruised, but the rest of my foot is fine. Walking on it actually seem to help it. Sitting around makes it stiffen up. My shoes are great, of course. You could walk in them with a stump.

Just my luck right now!

Some good news: I made some progress on grades!

Bob had a major setback and had emergency surgery Wednesday night. He's still in the hospital, receiving massive antibiotics. He's going to be in there at least several days. He feels better than he did after the original surgery. Tomorrow is our anniversary. Every other year we celebrate with a posh dinner, sometimes a weekend away. This year was to be spent at our niece's wedding, and we were going to stay overnight there. We intended to go from Samsonville. But I will be going to the wedding alone. It will be a round trip. I am not sure the hotel will refund the money, but we'll see. Regardless, it is going to be a difficult day for both of us, and not because of the forfeited hotel room!

Twenty students have sent me well wishes. My students are the best in the university.

I changed my profile picture. This is the official university portrait that I just had taken. I had many to choose from, and so I put it up to a vote of friends and family. I got 18 responses - this one was the winner with 7 votes.

I'm going to write about two subjects I almost never post here: religion, and an old friend.

Here's an interesting post, with a long comment thread (that are mostly thoughtful and didn't degenerate into insults).

I rarely comment anywhere - I really don't consistently write that much even here. But I thought about the post, link and comments and decided to contribute some reasons for why I am Catholic. I have many more reasons, too many to write in a comment. Also too many to write here.

But I kept thinking about it, even after commenting, and remembered an experience I had last year. I have a very, very troubled friend. We share a long, complicated past. I've done a lot of writing about our relationship over the years. It would almost make a book. I have never attempted to get any of it published, although some parts of it would be very marketable. I've written very little, practically nothing, about my friend here in this ejournal.

Over the years, we lost touch, for reasons I won't go into, but I will say that it was a deliberate decision on my part. I found not having her in my life incredibly cathartic, although I sometimes worried about her, in the back of my mind. Then, about a year ago, I heard through the grapevine that she wanted to get in touch with me. I was given her telephone number.

I didn't know what was the right thing to do. It's been easier without her. Still, I did care. I agonized over the decision.

When I was in church at Sacred Heart that weekend, I prayed for an answer. The sermon was about whether people could change. The priest said that Jesus felt that they could.

I went home, googled the telephone number, got the address and wrote her a letter. We later talked on the phone. She is recovering. Will it last? I don't know. I hope so.

More has happened since then, but that will keep. Maybe forever.

I think Bob has shown some gradual improvement for the past two days. It's very slow-going, though, and he often feels like crap.

I have a heel spur! It is so minor in comparison to what he is going through that I hate to complain. Time for an adjustment to my orthotics.

Finally, today, spending a little time on grades.

Bob seems a tiny bit better. He ate a little, and went outside for a brief time twice.

Bob was improving after he came home Tuesday and into Wednesday, but then he had another setback yesterday afternoon. It didn't require him to return to the hospital, and in some ways, he is improving.

I haven't written a lot of details about his surgery, and I don't plan to - he probably wouldn't mind, but I don't feel it's my place to do so. It's his, not my, surgery and complications. Also, I haven't had a lot of time to write here. For one thing, every moment I have spent on the computer (or blackberry) has been occupied with sending email updates to family and friends, and responding to work-related stuff. Remember my grading deadline is 5/18! (Which I believe I will miss for the first time in the nine years I have been teaching).

Instead I'll write about my experience. Today I put the newly acquired permit to good use, and went to the drug store to get an anti-nausea medication that his surgeon phoned in. I had to take Bob along, of course. I felt bad about that, because if I wasn't so driving-phobic and had a license, he could have stayed in bed. But I think the fresh air may have done him some good. And no way could I have done it alone. For one thing, I would never break the law, and for another, I need a co-pilot.

Nine years ago I finished the PhD, and moved on to a new goal. I resolved to finally get my license, with a date in mind of before turning 40. For the first time in my life, I actually practiced. I'd had my permit three times before. When I was 16, I practiced a little and never took the test. For my second permit (in my 20s) and my third (early 30s) I never practiced at all. Those permits were simply glorified IDs.

In 2001, I wound up failing the road test four times. It was really hard to take it that many times. It is more in my nature to walk away with the message of "unworthy." I finally did give up, and never drove again. My permit expired in 2005 and I didn't bother renewing it in the two-year window.

Anyway, whether I actually drive a lot and take another road test remains to be seen. I suspect I won't do it. I'll drive short distances right now and maybe occasionally in the future, even after Bob is cleared to drive again, and be satisfied. I don't see myself ever getting over my nervousness, and frankly, the road test itself is a barrier. I know I could never pass it. Not because I can't execute all the skills competently - but because my nervousness is apparent. I am always hyper-vigilant.

I'm that way as a passenger, too. I'm often that way in other parts of life as well. I was the kid all parents wanted to go with their kid - because they trusted that I would never do anything stupid. Or if something dangerous happened, I would know what to do.

In any event - I'm really proud of myself for driving today.

Bob is home! Hooray!

But seriously, thank God.

I hope I am as good a nurse as the ones in the hospital.

Bob is still in the hospital but he seemed much better today. He saw his surgeon (who wasn't on call over the weekend) and assuming there are no more complications, it looks like he will be coming home tomorrow afternoon. He seemed (almost) improved enough to be home today - but he was still on IV and a clear diet.

Bob had some complications and is still in the hospital. Prayers appreciated!

It's been a long two days. Bob had surgery yesterday and is still in the hospital. He had a bad night, but is somewhat better today. Coming home tomorrow (actually today, but in my owl world, it is still Saturday night) or Monday, not sure yet. I have been very unproductive in terms of my end of semester work, something that I will pay for next week. (The grading deadline is 5/18.) On Thursday I went and took the fifth driving permit test of my life (and got my fifth 100). My old permit expired four years ago, so I couldn't just remew it. This way, I can drive us around a bit once he is feeling well enough to go in the car.

For the past couple of days the university has sent out emails with swine flu information. Then, today, there was an email instructing faculty to log on to our grading roster area for an important message. The message asked us to reflect on what we will do if the semester is ended now, rather than in two weeks. It said it was not happening yet, they were just floating the possibility. It really doesn't matter very much to me. My last class is Tuesday and I don't use finals week. All work is submitted online. Even if my classes didn't meet any longer, I have almost everything on class websites. But this did make me wonder if they intend to suspend classes - either very soon or at least for finals week. It also made me think there may be a student case. Spring break wasn't that long ago and I'm sure many students went to Mexico.

I'm not one to get into a panic, but this made me remember this post.

Unrelated links:

That creep Michael Vick makes our local news. Who would think that was a good publicity stunt?

And somehow I doubt the university is going to put this story on the alumni page.

OK, here is my site. I hope this works.

I finally spent some time today rebuilding my website. It should be here: Gully Brook Press. As you can see, I didn't get very far. Actually, I got farther than what is appearing when I click that link, I am not sure what is up. Maybe it is working, but I need to re-boot. If not, that's where the site is supposed to be. I am hoping to FTP some of the existing content back up there once I finish the framework. I've decided not to reload everything, and I also decided to make some changes using Verizon's site builder. Whatever approach I take, it will be time consuming. I'll get to it eventually.

Here's a picture of almost the whole gang on Easter Sunday. There must have been about 35 people there, nearly all immediate family.

I've been having a very hectic time of it; although I resolved to not fall behind in evaluation work this semester, that only held until March, when it was derailed by toothache and oral surgery. So I am scrambling to catch up, and finally today I see some daylight.

Another hitch happened during the past two weeks; Bob had two episodes that landed him in the emergency room, was out of work for a week, and he will need surgery on May 8. That will be followed by two more weeks of sick leave, and then for three months he will be restricted from lifting, etc.

So, I guess I am going to have to sharpen my lawn mowing and pool opening skills. I am already taking out the trash and recycling, putting the water jugs on the cooler, carrying in the groceries, loading the dogs in the car (all things I can do, but haven't in years).

I finished the taxes yesterday, and although I should have moved on to the next item on the list (reading student journals), I didn't. The replacement adapter came for my Iomega zip drive, and I resisted trying it until the taxes were finished. Today was a different story. The good news is that it worked! I went through the disks and everything was there: my stories, my book, my website, in addition to a bunch of other things. Yay! So, I tinkered with my entries and sent in two submissions to the contest. Yeah, I know the deadline isn't until the 17th (and I probably won't win anyway), but I couldn't help it. Then, I sent another story to a magazine. I haven't spent enough time writing lately. The journals will keep.

Tell me again how we got stuck with this a-hole?

Oh yeah, that's right. The last a-hole was an unethical, controlling nutjob (who could't keep it in his pants).

In other news, I am working my way down a spring break to do list (that is probably far too ambitious), and today I landed on doing the taxes.

For the past few months, every time I sign on to blogger, when I view my blog - it freezes the machine, I have to do a Ctrl-Alt-Del, sign back on - and then it is OK. It doesn't happen when I make a post, only when I view it. Very irritating.

I went to a two day conference on Friday and Saturday. Overall, it was fairly good. Some speakers just read a 40 page paper in a monotone voice - really, TMI! We are going to get a book of all the papers eventually, we can read them, whey bother presenting? Others were truly dynamic and the two keynotes (Friday dinner and Saturday lunch) were truly inspiring. It hit me that we haven't had intellectual leadership in the SUNY System for 15 years.

About my last post: I wasn't happy about not entering. I checked the magazine again and saw that the deadline was Friday, April 3. So, I searched the hard drives of all my computers, and couldn't find a thing. I couldn't find a print out of anything suitable in my file drawer either. Then I tore apart the bedroom, looking for old floppy disks. Bob has been saying he plans to throw them out, but luckily he hasn't yet - I found a box, went through the ones that seemed promising, and found the story I was seeking in an older version, plus a bunch of other things.

I got together two entries (you can enter up to three) - one old story and a new story that I created from snippets I'd written about my grandmother in the past. Needless to say, I spent nearly all day Wednesday on this. I knew I had to teach all day on Thursday and go to the conference on Friday, so it was the only time I had.

I went to the magazine website to submit - and discovered that they extended the deadline until April 17! So I could have been doing what I should have been doing (grading midterms). [I did manage to get a bunch done Thursday, Friday and Saturday mornings. I only have 13 left at this point. But I have a LOT of things to do over break, including the taxes. Still swimming upstream.] I am going to wait to submit until the new power supply comes, keep my fingers crossed that it fixes the problem, and assuming it does, see if there is anything on there for a third entry, or if I like something better than what I have assembled now. Also it will give me a chance to make more revisions after I sleep on it, for the new story in particular.

The Mimmie story is extremely appropriate because she has been gone 16 years as of yesterday. Hard to believe. Seems like yesterday she was there at the kitchen table in her trailer drinking tea and heating up a danish in the toaster oven. I remember how many times we talked about death when I was a teenager and stayed overnight at the old place (actually should be talked almost all night - she was even more owl than I am). She said, "it is likely that I will die before you and I will come back and tell you what it is like."

I am kind of bummed out. I wanted to enter a writing contest (deadline today). I have several stories that I thought might fit, so I hooked up my Iomega USB zip drive. I have most of my writing stored on one of those zip drives. I haven't used the drive in over six months, and I've had it since 2004. Well, it doesn't work any more. I am hoping the problem is the power supply, but when I looked it over, I discovered that it is only 5 volts, and all the alternatives I have are 12 volts. So last night, I went to Staples, where I bought the drive, to get a replacement. I didn't think they would still have Iomega drives, but I thought they might sell replacement adapters. No dice. I went to Radio Shack, but they didn't have 5 volt adapters either. I made peace with missing the contest, but today I visited the Iomega site, and discovered they still sell the same zip drive. For the whopping price of $149, which is probably even more than I paid in 2004! They also sell replacement power supplies for $9.95, so I ordered one. I really hope that fixes the problem, because I don't want to shell out $150 for what is essentially an obsolete piece of equipment. I am not sure what other options I will have though, since the alternative - data loss is more than I can bear.

Meet Heidi.



My parents' new German Shepherd Dog, from GSD Rescue.

I took several pictures with my blackberry, but none came out great. On Easter, I will bring my "real" camera, since I usually have more luck with it.

I'm glad they were caught. Scum. Who would stoop this low? I can't help wondering how these guys knew each other, how they knew about the shelter, and why they would travel up here to take such a risk for $600?

I have made some progress on the overwhelming pile of work. It will be several more days before I catch up, though. Next week is presentation week for students, and the following week is Spring break, so that will give me a chance to break even, if I don't manage to do it before then.

I took a lot of criticism in all my classes, but especially in last night's, because I require students to evaluate each other on their upcoming presentations, and I tell them that they cannot give everyone an identical assessment. Many, many students argued with me over that, some quite vociferously. That happens every semester, but I would say that this semester has been the most vocal. That's true in the discussion components of class generally this spring, so I suppose it comes with the territory. I told them I am not a big fan of grades either, but I have to do it, and no one in class opted for S/U grading, so how can they insist that everyone deserves the same assessment? Many of these folks want to be teachers, and they will have to learn how to do fair and quality evaluation. I don't think everyone bought it, and that will probably show up on my student evaluations at the end of the semester. (In the "Allows Input from Students" category.) Oh well.

I'm a little concerned that the tooth next to the extraction site is feeling sore. I hope it is just from the extraction - or that it is ghost nerve pain or something, and not that I am going to need yet another root canal and crown.

My recent tooth episode set me so far back in terms of work that I am now up to my eyeballs and feeling kind of anxious. So, I decided the best thing to do today was get organized, which I did. The office looks a lot better. The problem is, I still feel like procrastinating!

I am just about back to normal. I took my last Motrin Sunday night, and last night, for the first time since the toothache, was able to sleep through the night. I think there might still be a stitch in there, but otherwise, I am fine: eating normally, with little pain.

The worst 24 hour period after the extraction was Tuesday afternoon through Wednesday afternoon. I would up taking another hydrocodone at 6 pm on Tuesday, another when that wore off so I could sleep, and another after that. By morning, neither the Advil nor the narcotics were doing very much, and even though I was following the post-operative instructions in excrutiating detail, I was getting worried that I had dry socket.

I called the oral surgeon's office, and was told to rinse with salt water a lot. So I did. I also stopped taking the hydrocodone entirely, toughed out the pain, got myself on an every four hour Advil cycle, and switched from ice packs to moist, warm packs. I really don't like hydrocodone. I think it does little to help with pain, it just makes me dopey. And I think it makes me need more and more Advil.

It was worth it, because I started to feel somewhat better by Wednesday afternoon. I even went to campus yesterday and taught my classes. But still today I have quite a bit of pain, and I am still taking Advil every four hours. Sometimes I have to force myself to get from 3.5 hours to 4, although occasionally I can go 4.5 hours.

A lot of people seem to have little trouble with a tooth extraction, and are fine after a day or two. That certainly hasn't been my experience. I am only able to eat ice cream, broth, applesauce, mashed potatoes and yogurt. I am not sure whether I am a wimp, or what.

I knew I would feel this way, but another issue is how unhappy I am about losing a tooth. I feel like I am in mourning. I can't understand people who are eager for dentures. I mean, I guess if your teeth constantly ached the way mine did last weekend, you might rather have them gone. And if you haven't gone to the dentist in a long time, fear procedures such as root canal, or don't want to spend the money, extraction might not seem so bad. But none of that is the case for me. I go for a check up every six months, I felt OK the day after my root canals, I have great insurance and even though I do have to pay about half, I thought it was a small price to pay to save a tooth. I am a fanatic about brushing, flossing and not eating stuff that might break a tooth or pull out a filling. My teeth have always been pretty good.

I guess I was naive, because I thought if I got a crown and root canal, I wouldn't be faced with extraction for a long, long time, if ever. Then this happened after only 18 months, but the tooth was never right, even at first. It has been bothering me since 2003, so I am not exactly sure why I am mourning. It doesn't help that the wisdom tooth on that side now seems to be making my cheek sore. I guess I will get used to it eventually. I just wish it would heal and the pain would go away. That would help my attitude.

The mourning feeling is already making me pretty sure that I am going to want an implant. The pain is making me ask, "are you crazy?" But I think not getting one could mean bad things in terms of my top tooth not having anything below it.

I turned another corner! I am much better today; I was even able to cut way down on the Advil. One stitch came out this morning. I'm still eating a limited diet and I can't say I have no pain at all, but in general, life is good again.

Added: How strange! This post is publishing as Friday 3/13 at 6:22 pm (the time of my last post), but actually it is Saturday 3/14 at 1:10 pm.

I got through my nightmare of a weekend, and had my tooth extracted yesterday. He scolded me for taking so much Motrin, but I told him that it was either overdose on Motrin and be sitting in his chair on Monday morning, or he could sit in the empty chair while reading my obituary in the newspaper.

Twilight sleep is the way to go! It was great to wake up and have it all over. I am eating and drinking, with difficulty. (Hooray for yogurt.) I took one hydrocodone yesterday, but have not taken it again.

I'm in some pain now, but it is nothing like the weekend's agony. You know how they ask you, how is the pain on a scale of 1 to 10? If find that a funny question because what criteria are we supposed to use? Burning your hand on the stove hurts pretty bad - is that the scale? (What number would that be? 5? This was worse.) Cutting myself on the broken glass from a falling light fixture and needing stitches hurt when it happened, when the doctor rubbed antiseptic into the cut, and after I got the stitches, when I was trying to sleep. (What number would that be? 7? This was worse.) Does that mean it was a 10? Or maybe even a 12? Would cutting off your leg with a chainsaw hurt worse? I don't know.

Now I am nervous about getting something called "dry socket" which I guess happens about 5 percent of the time. I'm being very careful, but with my luck, I will probably be part of that 5 percent! I guess it is very painful. How painful? A 10 again? I hope not.

The appointment for my tooth extraction is Monday. I can't say it has been upsetting me that much (since I got a second opinion and found an oral surgeon that I like), but I have been a little nervous about the twilight sleep, sad about losing a tooth, and concerned over whether I will feel well enough to teach on Tuesday. I have been favoring that side (really since 2003 but especially recently), although it hasn't been especially painful. But then yesterday the tooth started to act up - and by the middle of the night the pain was so extreme I started to consider getting a pair of pliers out and doing the job myself. I called my general dentist to ask what I can take (because ibuprofen is not advised when you are getting surgery) but even with some meds the pain is pretty bad, plus I can't eat at all. So now I am counting the minutes until it is pulled and all misgivings and anxiety have vanished (replaced by wondering how I will manage to get through the next two days).

A student gave me an edible arrangement as a thank you gift yesterday!

We are getting a new car today. Well, new to us - it is a 2005. Our old car was a 1995; we keep our cars for a long time. I'm not much or a car person (don't even drive) and neither is Bob, so we are not all that excited. Yesterday in class I lectured on philosophy of education; one of the areas we discuss is the division between materialists and idealists in metaphysics. I think of myself more as an idealist, but I confess that I felt a little sad as I watched Bob drive away this morning. I don't think the sentiment comes from fear of change, as some might suspect. I guess I invest material things with some sort of spirituality. My "things" are important to me, not as status symbols, but as memories of the past.

Speaking of change, last week Verizon offered to upgrade my DSL to something faster (although I don't think it is FIOS yet) and it happened on Monday. That led to me having to spend time reconfiguring, but I managed to get everything working again after a few hours. Today a technician is here replacing the wires outside the house. I didn't feel sad to get a new router! I guess cars are different.

Although I remembered, I didn't feel like posting - yesterday was the seventh anniversary of this blog!

March is coming in like a lion, cold and snowy.

As an addendum to my last post, the crackberry phenomenon isn't limited to students. Yesterday in church, a guy in the pew in front of me was surfing the internet on his PDA, and across the aisle, a woman's cell phone went off and it took her forever to find it in her purse.

I almost forgot! Ande is FIV and FeLV negative!! So the pillow pad is something else, probably not that serious. What a relief! All the other bloodwork came back too - all good for Sam and Sophie. Edna has some kidney and heart issues (which I knew about already), but that is to be expected at her age, and even at that, nothing is really, really severe yet.

My classes are going really well, and the toleration class may be the best I've had. However, today I want to write about a pet peeve. My biggest problem in recent semesters is text messaging. It is kind of trivial, but it creates enough of a disruption when it gets out of hand to seem more significant than that.

I announce the first day what the ground rules are, and I put them in the syllabus. But still I see students in almost every class texting. At the second class, one student didn't stop when I told him not to do it, and then he abruptly left when I called him on it again. It was before the add / drop deadline, and I was sure he would drop - but he didn't. Yesterday, another student (in a different class) in the front row thought she was being clever by hiding her PDA under the flap of her pocket book during my opening remarks...head down, texting away, oblivious. If I don't nip the behavior in the bud, it gets so out of control that these addicted students do it constantly, and more and more students join them. Then the ones who aren't doing it get angrier and angrier, and I lose control of the room.

My issue with it isn't really that it is rude (although it is). It isn't even that they aren't paying attention to me (that isn't quite true, it does annoy me when they don't listen and then ask me 1,000 questions later about something I have explained 10 times in class, or - even worse - when they finally hear the answer, proceed to complain about being held to some rule or deadline that has been stated many times, insisting I never said it in class or wasn't clear when I did say it). My biggest issue is that these students are not engaged with other students, or the class, ever. They don't learn, much less contribute anything - because they aren't paying attention, and they don't know what anyone is talking about, so how can they contribute? So they sit there in their own world, connected electronically to people elsewhere, exchanging OMGs and LOLs while surrounded by real people that they don't exchange a word with. It's sad to the point of being creepy.

I know electronic communication is addictive. And it seems that people have a different definition of what constitutes an "emergency" in terms of taking cell phone calls these days. They must always be available. Nothing can wait, even fifteen minutes. Hey, I love my Blackberry too, but how would they like it if I whipped it out while they were speaking and started texting...then looked up after a while and said, "huh?"

The downside of enforcing this rule (aside from my not liking to have to pull rank and call students out) is that the classroom becomes a revolving door - students can't wait to chat but they don't want to risk my wrath, so they leave the room whenever the need arises. And it really isn't possible to force students to stay in their seats - I mean this isn't elementary or high school with hall monitors and passes for the bathroom. I do ask them not to make the classroom a revolving door - again, on the syllabus and on the first day of class, but that is even harder to enforce than a cell and texting ban.

We took the dogs and cats to the vet yesterday. It was basically a well visit, as none are obviously sick. Edna cost the most and took more time, she she is very old (16+). Sam was the fastest and least expensive, since he is young (3) and robust, to say the least. Sophie and Ande were somewhere in between. Sophie is pretty old for a Bassett Hound (10), but there is nothing major wrong with her. (She has severe allergies, but that is nothing new.) Ande is young (1.5 years). Unfortunately, one of the really cute things about him (he is tiny) probably means he is also frail. He doesn't seem ill, but the vet noticed he has plasma cell pododermatitis (pillow foot). Some studies have linked it to FIV, so she tested him for that and FeLV. His results were negative when we first adopted him, but given that he is tiny, hardly eats, gets dirty ears, has this condition on his front pads, and came from a cat colony - who knows. FIV isn't easily transmittable to Edna, but FeLV might be. Then, he is likely to have a decreased lifespan if he has one or both. It sounds to me as if FeLV is the more serious disease, in terms of both ease of transmission and outcome. So I am keeping my fingers crossed that he tests negative again, but I confess that I am a little worried. Poor "Little!" Not sure what I will do about his contact with Edna if he has FeLV. Luckily, they don't fight at all, and really don't share their dishes or groom each other. But they do share a litterbox, and it won't be easy to keep them separate.

I have decided to start sprouting! It's healthy, but not only that: it will help me (somewhat) satiate my gardening "itch" in the winter. I ordered SproutMaster mini trays as well as six varieties of seeds: alfalfa, salad mix (a blend of alfalfa, radish, clover, canola), broccoli, rainbow bean (garbanzo, lentil, pea), garlic, and one other blend (kale, broccoli, red cabbage, yellow mustard). I can't wait to get started; first, I have to soak the seeds overnight.

We went to the Hollywood Brown Derby, a new restaurant in Albany, on Valentine's Day. It was pricey...and wonderful.

Winter break! It is only three weeks into the semester, so it is kind of soon; I don't have a lot of evaluation work to do yet. This may be a good thing, in terms of being able to accomplish a few things I want to do that are not teaching related. Or maybe I'll just rest! Remains to be seen.

Last night, we went to opening night of the play No Child at Capital Repertory in Albany. It was great! It was provacative, which I expected, but it was also quite funny at times, which I was not expecting. And, since it was opening night, there was fabulous food before the show, as well as champagne and a very tempting table of pastries afterwards. (I had a cannoli.)

On Monday, I went to the oral surgeon. Much better experience than the first place! My extraction is scheduled for 3/9.

I am sick again! Not as bad a cold at the one I had on Christmas, but ugh. And although it isn't as severe, it is more the lingering type. Must have picked it up on campus, the students are coughing their heads off.

Before the holiday cold, I hadn't been sick with a head cold since 2005, when Rudy died. But Lyme disease + all those antibiotics + another shot of antibiotics because of my tooth problems = no immunity, I think.

Managed to survive my campus duties though, didn't stay home and cancel classes. Very cold here again, then it is supposed to get warm for the weekend. The extremes can't be good, either.

I can't type on this laptop keyboard at all. How do people text?

The most important news of the day. Groundhog says six more weeks of winter! But I think we all already knew that, because the wooly bears were mostly black and the fall harvest was abundant...and the snowfall total is already above average.

Today is Sophie's made-up birthday. We don't know the actual date, but it is around now, and I thought February 2 would be a fine date. She is 10 years old. So Happy birthday to Weg! (That's just one of her many nicknames.)

I'm not sure why I have been procrastinating on posting the two things I mentioned in an earlier entry that I have been meaning to write about. I mean, if I don't feel like writing here, then who cares? Why bother? It isn't like it is a requirement or a job duty or something. But since today is a snowy day (we're having some winter and January isn't even over yet), I landed on posting them today.

I've been doing some thinking about my experiences at the dentist. What with my looming extraction (I guess I have made peace with that outcome), this has been on my mind. I remembered that as a kid, I went to this guy who I think was supposed to specialize in treating children. At least that's my assumption, because it isn't where anyone else in my family went. I vaguely remember that I gave my mother a hard time about going to the dentist - was scared, uncooperative, etc. My baby teeth ached, and her home remedy was to put whiskey on them. Eventually she took me to this kid's dentist that I mentioned. Even as a small child (I was in early elementary school, I'd say), I thought he was weird. He was one of those people who was way too affectionate, holds you on his lap, etc. I thought it was creepy, how overly friendly he was. I wasn't much a touchy-feely person, even then. He used nitrous oxide rather than Novocaine, and in thinking about it, that may be the real reason my mother took me there.

I remembered this dental experience because some people have told me that I should ask for nitrous oxide when I get my tooth extracted, since I don't really want to be put completely out with IV, and I think many people fear Novocaine. (I can't say I am crazy about it, not so much the needle itself - the problem is the numbness afterwards, but I can deal with it.) But I have no intention of asking for nitrous oxide, because I had it many times at that creepy dentist's, and I hated the strange feeling. Thinking about it almost makes me panic.

A few years after I left his practice and went to the regular dentist my family all used, that weirdo was arrested for molesting, or at least inappropriately touching a woman - or maybe several women, I can't remember. No surprise there.

The second story I wanted to tell was that a couple of weeks ago, I noticed that my niece had gotten one of her ears pierced, not on the lobe, but on the upper part. My sister and I agreed that is one place besides our earlobes where we wouldn't have minded having another hole. (We also agreed that while when we were younger we might have had it done, there is no chance we will do it now.) Then we started reminiscing about our original ear piercings. We both had a second hole done at a jewelry store when we were adults, but our first holes were done by our mother, with a needle, thread, cork, and ice. (Owww!) Then for a couple of weeks afterwards, you had to put alcohol on it and turn the blood-crusted thread. Finally, you could put in gold earrings, but even then, you had to be sure the hole stayed open and apply alcohol for a long time. It was excruciating!! However, we wanted pierced ears so badly, we didn't complain.

In those days, no other girls had pierced ears. You either didn't get them at all, or you waited until you were grown up. My mother did not only both of us, but herself, and many of my sister's friends and our cousins. She told my grandfather that she wanted pierced ears, and he said his sisters had done themselves, using the needle and thread method (probably important to mention here that my grandfather was born in 1874). When we were laughing about it, we asked my mother whether she had asked the other kids' mothers if it was OK for her to pierce their ears? She shook her head no and said "they just went home with pierced ears." Imagine if that happened today - the parents would probably start a lawsuit!

My classes started yesterday. So far so good, except that they are too big overall. I'm not sure if that is a symptom of budget cuts - with less sections being taught, or what.

I've had several ideas recently of things I want to write, but so far, I have not taken the time. Maybe I will get to it soon.

My parents' dog, Mandy, died last night.

She was a gorgeous German Shepherd Dog, very protective and loyal. She loved her "babies," which were plush toys and her crate. She needed a job, and since she wasn't a police dog or guide dog, she found her own. Being alert, guarding the house, herding livestock and people.

She would have turned 9 in March, and her death was a shock. She was ill for only 10 days, and seriously ill for only 5. The cause of death is not known, although she tested postive for Lyme Disease, but that is rarely fatal. Everything was done to save her.

She was much loved.



On Christmas Day, my mother's old barn cat, Pookie, passed away. He was wild, a stray who wandered in when he "retired." She cared for him for over two years, and she was the only one who could get near him. He was a handsome orange cat.

The end of 2008 was not good and the beginning of 2009 is not promising at this point.

I spent the whole day writing student recommendations for graduate school. Lots of other stuff going on too; I've been preoccupied. I won't write about any of it now, except...

My tooth saga continues: Yesterday I went to the endodontist. I really, really liked him. So much, in fact, that I wish I could have him for the work I am facing. I told him I was not comfortable with the original referral and want to hang onto my tooth if possible. He did a lot of those tests of cold, biting down etc. sensitivity, went over my x-ray with me and explained everything in great detail.

Unfortunately, although he was much more personal and explained it so that I understood a lot better, the prognosis is the same. My tooth is hopeless and will have to be extracted, retreatment or apicecotomy are not possible. He said it must have had a huge filling in it before the root canal (it did, ever since I was a teenager) and that it is thin, probably has a fracture in the root (which doesn't show up on x-ray) and it is in bad shape. The infection is actually near the surface, not deep in there near the bottom (the purpose of apicecotomy). It isn't having any impact on either of the teeth beside it. It may have damaged the bone a little, near the top (something the oral surgeon I went to didn't mention, and bone graft was not included in the estimate money-wise or time-wise for the implant).

He said my regular dentist has already done everything possible to save it. Then he said if I wasn't comfortable at the original oral surgeon's (I wasn't) he could refer me somewhere else. He also said that I don't have to decide about the implant right away and I shouldn't feel pressured. He said that I may feel OK with having it gone, since it is a lower tooth far in the back, not visible, with a good tooth on either side. He said I could choose a bridge, but he doesn't recommend it since both teeth on either side are very healthy and there is no reason to weaken them with crowns. Or, he said, ideally I could choose an implant, and that would be like having my own tooth back eventually, but I don't have to make that decision right now.

So he gave me a referral to a building right next door. It is an oral surgeon, and I have a consultation with them on 2/9. I can't say I am thrilled, but I feel a lot more comfortable than I did after going to that practice that catered to dregs (that's awful, I know, but the waiting room was like a bus station. Not in terms of cleanliness or modernity - it was both - but it was huge and the clientele was unsavory. There was a woman yelling about having the show ID, an odd teenager who was turned away, and old lady who was totally out of it. It freaked me out). Plus the oral surgeon never looked in my mouth - I know he could probably tell how bad my tooth is from the x-ray, but still. It seemed he was talking theory instead of about my specific situation.

So, if I like the new oral surgeon I will go with them. I'm only going to focus on the extraction right now, not on the implant process. I also may opt to be awake, rather than knocked out. I am going to ask a lot of questions about how bad the extraction will be (my niece said it wasn't a big deal but she may be tougher than me) before I decide. I'm not crazy about the idea of being knocked out. On the other hand, I am not crazy about being awake while I lose the tooth (both pain wise and emotionally). I emailed my sister, who is also not very tough, and she told me that she has also had a tooth pulled without being knocked out and it wasn't that bad. She said she got a valium and a local, so I think I will ask the oral surgeon about that approach. I may also take a walkman and headphones, as a distraction to the sound. Bob said the sound is worse than the feeling. I think I will probably decide to get an implant eventually. The oral surgeons I am seeing on 2/9 do them also. I plan to ask a lot of questions and give it thought before deciding.

My first post of 2009! I've been catching up on things, puttering around, sleeping in. It feels good. We had another ice storm today, but luckily, have not lost power this time. My appointment for a second opinion on my tooth is Monday; it is doing OK. I read Left to Tell, a sad, but powerful and inspiring story by a survivor of the Rwandan genocide.

Amazing how when you talk to people about tooth extraction, you discover how many people are missing teeth. It is a humbling experience...kind of puts having only one bad tooth in perspective! I did a lot of reading about implants, researched my insurance, etc. Then I discussed implants with my niece (who has one) and sister-in-law (who has had 2). It seems to have been the right procedure for both of them and they are happy with the outcome. I also talked to Bob and my sister, who have both had the procedure my dentist originally recommended (apicectomy), which the transplant dentist pooh-poohed. Finally, I did a lot of thinking about my options. My tooth feels pretty much fine right now. The antibiotics are done, the infections seems to be cleared up at least temporarily, I have been rinsing with salt water and with a special mouthwash. I decided it is not an emergency, and that I would like to hang on to my own tooth if I can.

So right now I am planning to ask my dentist to refer me for a second opinion - this time not to someone who is slanted toward implants (as the other specialist seemed to be - the practice is huge, lots of partners and staff, glitzy modern office, flat screen televisions in the waiting room hawking Procera implants), but instead to someone who specializes in root canals. (I am going to ask him specifically about the oral surgeon who did Bob's apicectomy.) It isn't that I feel the specialist I saw is incompetent - in fact, if I get an extraction and implant, I think it is probably a good place to go, he is board certified, very well credentialed, etc. But I believe I was referred there not because it is what I need, but because they are participating providers in my insurance. (Which after my research I discovered covers 50 percent - so that means the total cost really is something like 7 grand.) Bob's apicectomy worked fine, but he had to have it for a different reason than I will - but my sister's case was identical to mine, and hers also worked fine. So I am not ready to throw in the towel on that approach. I am going to take the risk - and if it doesn't work out - then I will consider the extraction / implant path.

I called the specialist's office yesterday morning and canceled the extraction. I called my dentist to discuss my thinking with him - and he is on vacation until 1/5 (I will follow up next week). Really hoping my poor tooth hangs in there until then (so far, so good). So that is just taking control of my situation, instead of allowing myself to be pushed into something just because a specialist manipulates me.

This part is more about alternative thinking. I have two root canal / crown teeth at this point. I have never had any other major problems (aside from crooked teeth and fillings in most molars), I even have all four wisdom teeth. My first tooth to act up and need a crown was in 2000, when I was writing my dissertation. It wasn't infected, just sensitive, and my dentist, who I have gone to for 20 years and have a lot of confidence in, and who is on the same page as me (in that he doesn't recommend unnecessary procedures) told me at that time that he felt I would never be happy with crowns, so I should delay as long as possible and just baby it, unless it acted up so badly that I couldn't tolerate it.

He told me the reason I was having a problem was because I bite down hard (not grind) on my teeth when I am sleeping. I know this happens primarily when I am stressed. The problems is due to aging, and having a large filling in the molar that acts as a wedge, which causes fissures in the root and nerve sensitivity. So I did nothing about it until 2003, when I experienced another stressful episode. I believe I was doing the biting down thing again and the pain got to the point where I couldn't tolerate it. I got a crown on that tooth. About the same time, another molar started to be sensitive (this is the one that is bothering me now). I did nothing about the second tooth aside from having the dentist check it, and it mostly went away. In 2005, my beloved dog Rudy got ill, I did the chomping thing again, and the original crowned tooth flared to the point where it needed a root canal, which I had done (no choice, nerve pain was horrible). After that, I decided I would not have any more crowns done until they also needed a root canal. I also had the dentist make me a mouth guard, so that I didn't chomp myself into more crowns and root canals when I experience stress.

The mouth guard worked pretty well, but in September 2007 I had a root canal and crown done on the tooth which is now a problem, because it flared into that intolerable nerve pain. I eventually (January 2008) had to have my first crown replaced, because he had to drill through it to do the root canal, and the crown didn't hold up too well. (Now that tooth is perfect.) But the second root canal / crown tooth that is bothering me now has never been right. I know a piece of nerve must have been left in there. It was a nightmare procedure all around. First, I had a reaction in my optical nerve from the Novocaine - it crossed over and my eye fluttered and heart raced. It was awful having a root canal under those conditions. Then, the assistant gave him the wrong compound to make the impression, and it didn't harden properly - the dentist wound up having a fight with her right in front of me, which was awful. Then, he couldn't find the last root and it took forever - he even had to give me break during the procedure. (This is what happened to my sister too, I guess it is not uncommon for roots to be twisted and hard to find on molars.) Finally, my bite was screwed up and he had to file the crown down many times.

Now that I've had more work done the bite guard really doesn't fit right and I am not crazy about wearing it anyway - what with pre-menopause etc. I have enough trouble sleeping without the added irritation of a mouth full of plastic. So what happened? No electricity, a clogged chimney and pending grading deadline - I was (no doubt) chomping away in my sleep (combined with the aftermath of Lyme disease and many rounds of immunity weakening antibiotics) and that tooth which has never been right flares into an infection.

So in thinking about it, I decided that bite guards, sleeping pills, even crowns / root canals and certainly extractions / implants are "the ambulance at the bottom of the hill" rather than the "fence at the top of the hill." I need to figure out a way to manage stress that actually conquers it. It is part of good health anyway, even if I wasn't ruining my teeth.

The punch line: I have several books on skilled relaxation and I have tried a few approaches that kind of work (tapping being one) but in 2009 I am going to pursue it more formally - I am going to try to locate a practitioner to teach me meditation or some other skilled relaxation practice such as yoga or tai chi. (I do use prayer as a pathway, but I don't believe it gets me into that state of mind required for true SR.) Yoga or Tai Chi will require me to overcome my aversion to athletics (another story), so meditation is probably more my speed. I have told a few others - I won't say they were hostile to the idea, but let's just say they were skeptical, to SR and all things holistic. The medical model's reliance on things like Paxil and mouth guards and surgery is hard to break away from, I guess. And naturally all have great respect for the approaches advocated by conventional doctors.

As an end to a perfect month...I came down with a wicked cold on Christmas Eve. I think it has been over three years since I have had a cold. But considering my current state of mind and overall burned-out-ness, it should not be a surprise.

I am done with grades!! I made the deadline. YAY.

Tooth feels OK. I may cancel the extraction / implant. We'll see, but at the moment I'm feeling that I am not ready to give up on it yet.

Lots of snow here.

Hmmm...the link button in the menu is back.

I am having a Murphy's Law kind of week. Why does this kind of stuff always happen right when the semester ends and grades are due?

2) Friday 12/5 - Wednesday 12/10. I hinted at this in my last post. Hot water heater starts putting out soot. Plumber says it is not the hot water heater or furnace. Instead, the chimney is clogged, and it is very dangerous. (Luckily we have natural gas rather than oil.) Chimney cleaner says blockage is complete, and he is unable to access it. Ceiling in kitchen had to be ripped down to access pipe. No heat, HW for several days during repair. Turns out brick, surrounded by leaves and other crap was completely blocking chimney. Cost: $882; not suffocating = priceless.

3) Tuesday 12/9 - Monday 12/15 (and ongoing). I hinted at this in my last post, too. Molar #18, which had root canal / crown ~18 months ago, develops sudden infection. Referred to oral surgeon who recommends extraction / implant. Cost: $2500 - $3500; not being candidate for Erskine Caldwell novel = priceless.

4) Thursday 12/11 - Monday 12/15 (and ongoing for nephew, friends, neighbors). Ice storm hammers Northeast. No power for 51 hours during cold snap. Saturday night was brutal! I didn't think my old cat Edna would survive it. (Still have no cable, but that's barely worth mentioning). Cost: $300 give or take, for kerosene heater, batteries, candles, lost food, ice, lamp oil, driving around in search of kerosene; not having pipes freeze or (take 2) suffocating = priceless.

This is 1, based on date, but it is so minor in the scheme of things at this point that I am putting it last:

1) Wednesday 12/3 - Tuesday 12/9. Desktop monitor blows. Cost: $150; being able to grade student work = wish I didn't have to. (Sorry, it has a price.)

To think I was a little upset about the expense of the chimney! Silly me. The second night, the power outage was getting me down - and then the power came back and all was well. So now it is the tooth problem. I am feeling blue over it, both because I need the procedure, and because I hate the thought of losing a tooth. I know once the implant is all done (a long time from now!) and I am 3K lighter, it will almost seem like my own tooth.

I know it could be a lot worse, this is not major stuff at all, but the 12/22 grading deadline seems ridiculous to me right now, and during the power outage that was weighing heavily on my mind. So rather than give myself an ulcer, I emailed the students to let them know my litany of woes, and to warn them that I will try to be finished, but I might not make the deadline.

That made me feel a little better. Then I went and took a nap. I'll start fresh tomorrow.

I got an email solicitation from this student

At first I thought it was spam, then I thought it was kind of clever, and finally, I was irritated by his nerve. (Then I deleted it.) I don't know his financial situation, but if his parents can afford to pay, as the article states, why is he emailing me? It is presumptuous! I have a lot more worthy charities on my list. Plus, I am an adjunct - my position is practically volunteer work. Hey, I completely sympathize with the unfairness of a mid-year tuition increase. I am upset about the economy, and I am more disgusted over Governor Paterson's inept management of the State budget than many people seem to be. When I read the article, I became even more irritated at this obnoxious guy than I was when I received the email. I have a news flash for him: you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. The faculty are terrible but you still have the audacity to ask them for a handout? Why would someone with that attitude think he was worthy of my support? Now that you've had your 15 minutes of fame: Get lost.

The menu with the ability to link within the text seems to have vanished from blogger. Not sure what is up - but that is the reason for the title with the link, it is the only way I could do it.

In other news, we got a Christmas tree from the boy scouts on Sunday. It is a beautiful scotch pine. And I discovered yesterday that I need oral surgery! Blah. Right now, I am waiting for a guy to come and clean our chimney. I wish he would come, so I could go back to focusing on grading. (And let the dogs out of the bedroom.)

I am reading A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini. I am nearly finished (I would have been done last night but decided not to stay up until 2 am reading, the way I had for the past several nights). A beautiful book, also devastating. I should have waited until after grades were done (12/22) to pick it up, since I have no self-control when I like a book, but oh well!

Classes for the Fall semester were done last week. All in all, it was a good semester, but I am not sorry to see it come to an end.

The first question in this week's Miss Manners column brought back a memory. When I was in college, I was invited to a friend's house for dinner. He was from an "elite" family - or at least upper middle class. Educated parents. Classy neighborhood. The dinner was formal, and the two sons even changed into white shirts for the occasion (both were the jeans and tee-shirt type). When anyone spoke, all around the table put down their utensils and focused on the speaker with rapt attention. I was afraid the food would get cold if I talked too much! It was something I had never experienced before; in my family someone is constantly talking and vying for the floor. I never considered whether dropping everything to pay attention was proper etiquette, but it did seem excessively polite, and to have my conversation be so respected made me feel important. Later, however, sad life events regarding my friend - their son - made me wonder if the reason they did it was because they were unused to dinner time talk - if they sat silently eating through most meals, and having lighthearted chatter was a novelty?

Nothing much to write, except that is very cold here. I checked the Old Farmer's Almanac, and they said: "Nov 18-22: Sunny, seasonable." In 1953, Elwyn Davis reported the weather today to be "62 at 12 PM. Warm dark murky drizzling rain set in early PM. Strong southerly wind developed evng with showers." For 1934, his weather entry was "Continued foggy, gloomy, warm, misty. Brisk south west winds evng. & partly cloudy." The 1975 entry: "41 at 7:20 AM, 34 at 8 PM. Colder - cloudy AM, clearing - sunny PM. Wind northerly - starlight evng, still" while in 1926 it was "Mostly cloudy, Raw cold air, light winds."

I guess the State's situation is so bad...that we needed three more $178,000 / year Governor's office staffers. What a hypocrite. Why do I suspect they will be exempt from "the pain" of forfeiting their raises and lagging a week's pay?

Student presentation week. It's a time of the semester that I like a lot, and not just because for me, it involves less work in terms of preparing for class. (Critical right now because this is also a time when I have a lot of other work to do - both grading and advisement.) I get to see some really stunning student efforts. Most of the presentations are really, really impressive. Many are quite nervous, but they do a good job. Unfortunately, there usually are a handful, especially in my lower-division class, where the lack of effort is glaringly obvious, and this semester was no different. I'm quite irritated at a few of the students in the lower division class, in fact. I require peer assessment, which causes some consternation - both for the slackers and for those who put in serious effort. It even generates some "smart mouth" when I explain the rules. But, most of the good students appreciate the opportunity.

State budget is dreadful. Lots of rumors. I can't worry about it, though. (Easier said than done.)

I managed to download some of my files before it happened, but AOL hometown went away on Friday. I didn't download all of them, unfortunately. I do have them all saved, on an old USB zip drive (which I am keeping my fingers crossed will still work). I had already established space on Verizon to transfer the files over, but my webpage creator (Adobe PageMill) only works on "old faithful" (my Win 98 computer) and I haven't ever purchased anything to use on my XP machines. I can't just FTP the old pages to Verizon, because the links need to be changed to reflect the new address. Plus, the site could use a face lift, and I may as well tackle it with this change. Using something new to develop the site will require a learning curve. Verizon includes one of those easy site builders, but it isn't very flexible and there will be a lot of re-work regardless of what I do. In any event, I am not going to have the time right now to really focus on this - although I may do something quick in the interim. Not sure. This is crunch time in the semester, when there is so much work that I hardly have a minute to type this. So, to all of the folks who arrive here via searches for One Room Schools, or the Battle of Saratoga, or Bungalow Houses (there are others, but those are the popular search terms that come to mind) ~ I'm sorry! I'll restore everything as soon as I am able. It might have to keep until January, though (but I am not sure I will be able to make myself wait until then). Stay tuned.

Today was World Youth Day at church. The teenagers do all the "jobs" (lector, usher, etc.) and the band plays. The music was so beautiful. A cute little boy with super thick glasses was sitting behind me, and during the handshake of peace, he stuck his hand out eagerly to every person surrounding him, while wearing a big smile. It was such a beautiful fall walk home, and all I could think was "it's great to be alive."

Difficult week on campus. I handed out a sheet the university asked us to distribute about safety and also listing the offices where students can go for help if they are depressed. They also asked us to give the students a chance to talk about it if they wanted and when I did this in last night's class (I doubt many other faculty do this, to be honest), I got an earful. The students are scared, and they don't feel as if the university does enough to keep them safe. I have to do it again on Tuesday, and I guess after that I will take the remarks I wrote down to my department's chair for him to report it to the dean or someone else. I doubt it will help, but I promised the students that is what I would do.

It was a beautiful weekend. It is a great year for foliage. Yesterday, we went to Golden Harvest and got apples, we also took a tour of their new distillery, where they make vodka. I made apple crisp! It is so easy, much faster than pie, and it came out delicious. I think I am feeling a lot better re: Lyme Disease, but I still find myself extremely tired at times.

I think if I was still keeping a paper journal this would probably be one of those dry spells where I could cast it aside for months, if not years. Part of the problem at the moment is that the things that are on my mind are not things I write about here. (Mostly about students, but also about a few other things as well.) So maybe the reality is that a private, paper journal would be more useful to me right now.

I decided to figure out where I will be hosting my website. I wound up buying space from Verizon, since the 10MB I get with my account won't be nearly enough. It was something of an aggravating process, in that I couldn't remember my user ID, password or even email address, and resetting them meant I had to change my router settings...and guess what? I couldn't remember the password for that either. Finally I got that all working, and then I contacted AOL to determine how much webspace I would need, and they couldn't easily answer that question. So, I wound up simply multiplying the number of AOL screen names by the amount of webspace. I don't know if I am using that much but at least I know I couldn't have been using more than that. Now, to find the time to transfer everything over, which will mean making revisions since the address will have changed, and the links won't work otherwise. It is way past time for a complete overhaul anyway, but spending time on that when grading essays is the priority will be a challenge.

Bummer.

I got a message yesterday that AOL is closing down hometown and FTP. I guess this means I will have to find a new host for my website! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! How irritating. Hopefully either Verizon or Time Warner includes space. But even having to transfer the files is annoying. Not something I have time for!

After two days of barking and equipment noise, the crew has moved up the street and the hounds (make that one full-hound and one half-hound) can get some much needed rest. Edna was able to prowl the yard. All is well.

Make that all is almost well! Reading the paper this morning, in Dr. Fox's column a voluntary recall of Mars dry cat and dog food is announced due to possible salmonella contamination. The dogs eat a homemade diet, Edna eats Wellness canned and Fancy Feast dry, but Ande, who eats Wellness dry food (although he is not at all a big eater), adores Natural Temptations. I got a free sample when I bought Wellness, which is the only reason I tried it. So we give him many treats per day, because he expects one when the dogs get a cookie and it is so cute. Natural Temptations are made by Mars! Although I haven't noticed any signs of illness, in the article, "Natural" is one of the brands listed in the recall.

So I went to the website and luckily, "Natural" is a Sam's Club brand; Natural Temptations aren't listed. What a relief!

Two pieces of good news! I think I finally found a decent hosting service for my audio files: Box.net, and I located a few pairs of Supreme Softspot Trek shoes in my size! (Not linking since I don't want anyone else swooping in to buy them :-).