Tuesday, May 19, 2020

I finished grades in my classes. It is a big relief. It was the most difficult evaluation experience I have
ever had to do. Afterwards I made the mistake of reading evaluations in one of my classes. Very few
students bothered to do it, and the evaluations were fine overall, but one student who was motivated
enough to complete it wrote extremely mean comments. What drives some people to be cruel? And why do I let it bother me?

Monday, May 11, 2020

I am in grading hell this week - deadline is Sunday night. We were told many times to be flexible and empathetic to students (I always am - and don't need someone to tell me this), but apparently faculty don't deserve the same courtesy.

I saw on FB that Greyhound racing closing for good in Florida - HOORAY. Another good thing about the shutdown and new normal. I assume that means this season or year, not forever - wish it meant forever - but regardless good news. May they all find loving forever homes.

Friday, May 08, 2020

I don't know whether to believe the news about violence and unrest. Really? Does media just gin this stuff up? What about no shirt, no shoes, no service? Isn't that an infringement on rights? I think I was controlled more in the before time. I was a slave to my job. Others were a slave to materialism. I am more free now.

YAY. Semester is over. Now - all grades all the time, starting Monday.

Thursday, April 30, 2020

In my last post, I focused on a man who called me a coward on social media - unprovoked. Today a
colleague was rude to me (in a private chat message) during a Zoom meeting. It was a coffee hour
meeting we are encouraged to attend. It is right before one of the classes I teach and I almost didn't go
because I had things to do, but decided I wanted to share something important if given the chance. I
really wrestled with sharing what I did - it wasn't easy to do, it was real and honest, and possibly
uncomfortable - but I was given the opportunity, so I did share. The private message I received was
beyond unkind and it made me realize why I usually avoid meetings, why I hesitate to contribute when I do attend, and why I am doing something I disdain - wishing for retirement. I guess the stress of the situation is getting to people, and I am an easy target. I shouldn't let it bother me - but it does. I
responded to him with "thanks, really appreciate being scolded by you. Why didn't you share your note with the whole group so everyone could bask in your kindness?" And he messaged back "I apologize." As if saying I'm sorry inoculates one from responsibility for being a jerk?

Wednesday, April 29, 2020

It's a beautiful day today and I feel pretty optimistic, but I made sure to comment on the journal I'm writing about something that bothered me yesterday. Here it is: "I am not sure whether this is related to the pandemic or restrictions in terms of my feelings, because I always obsess when someone is unkind or irrational, but I do believe the individual I am going to write about was being influenced by the "open it up" sentiment some have been expressing. Yesterday a man attacked me on Facebook for no reason. He called me a coward and said I do not deserve to be in office (I am a very low level practically a volunteer elected official). We were not engaged in a debate and I do not argue about politics or anything else on Facebook. He was mad about the postponed elections and commented on the reminder I posted about it on my public group. When I asked him who he was addressing (as a coward), the governor or BOE, he said me! Then proceeded to spin out of control. I have heard he isn't a nice person, he's an abusive philanderer and a drunk, but I have no clue why I would be a target. If I was a young man rather than a middle aged / oldish woman, I would beat him up for calling me that name!"

Thursday, April 23, 2020

My next post from Cornell study: I wrote this yesterday but was using a tablet and think it did not save. I am upset that people are pushing to re-open. Not that I am unsympathetic to business and unemployment, but I'm scared people will be careless, not social distance, and we will have a spike in cases. People protesting! Really? Also ignorance on Facebook - blaming the left or the right. Why are people so petty? I thought we were all in this together.

I didn't write this as an entry (yet), but Facebook "friends" who take the appalling Darwinist view that the vulnerable should just die are held to the policy displayed in the cartoon below. It's better than a sleepless night, or a commenting argument. (Although I am so tempted to respond to their cold, hearless views by writing inspired by Scrooge ("are there no workhouses?," -- "wouldt you be offended if I took the similar position of asking why I should care about unemployed people with money problems? I have a good job. I have a cushion. I can work from home. Why didn't the struggling get a better education, find more secure jobs, and be smarter about saving money?") Of course I would never respond that way, it's just a fantasy.

Friday, April 17, 2020

On March 1 -- I meant to post that it was the 18th anniversary of this blog. I didn't, which is no surprise, given my infrequent posting in the past few years. The Village election was postponed (at this point, no new date set), which was also no surprise, because we are in the middle of a pandemic. It's excruciating - both the postponement (two opponents and my need to get going!) and the pandemic, which has changed everything. I'm OK, but this is a surreal time to say the least. I have wanted to journal, wondered what Elwyn wrote in 1918 (diary is not extant, or at least was not available for transcription). But, for whatever reason, I didn't write here or privately, then a few days ago, I joined this Cornell effort.

Here is my first post: At first my job felt like I was drinking from a fire hose, there were so many needs. Now it has settled into a boring routine, although about 1/4 of my students are struggling for one reason or another. I worry about my very elderly parents, I worry about my siblings and myself, since we are all (young-ish) seniors. I mourn having to skip all our loud, large family gathering, I don't like not being able to adopt a new cat after Teddy died (by now in normal times I think I would have). I can't stand the blame game, the finger pointing, all the political divisiveness. I notice many young (20s, 30s, 40s) people in the daily count of people who have tested positive. Are they essential workers I wonder, or selfish jers who are not staying home and social distancing? I am happy it has been cold, since I suspect warm temperatures would encourage people to go out & about rather than to social distance & stay home. Plus, I've discovered masks are pretty hot! I'm glad no one is flying and there is less driving, our environment needs the break. It alarms me on Facebook to see people discussing the rescheduling of travel plans -- really? Not only am I afraid to restart - to go out in public, I am too vulnerable - but hello! All this wasteful business and vacation flying helped to spread the virus (and BTW as I already mentioned, it damages the environment).I hope the pandemic changes us - makes us utilize technology instead of planes, causes us to work from home (The Greening of America was 40 years ago!!), be more flexible, more appreciative, less materialistic.
Inspired to make this by the Facebook group 518rainbowhunt