Bob was improving after he came home Tuesday and into Wednesday, but then he had another setback yesterday afternoon. It didn't require him to return to the hospital, and in some ways, he is improving.

I haven't written a lot of details about his surgery, and I don't plan to - he probably wouldn't mind, but I don't feel it's my place to do so. It's his, not my, surgery and complications. Also, I haven't had a lot of time to write here. For one thing, every moment I have spent on the computer (or blackberry) has been occupied with sending email updates to family and friends, and responding to work-related stuff. Remember my grading deadline is 5/18! (Which I believe I will miss for the first time in the nine years I have been teaching).

Instead I'll write about my experience. Today I put the newly acquired permit to good use, and went to the drug store to get an anti-nausea medication that his surgeon phoned in. I had to take Bob along, of course. I felt bad about that, because if I wasn't so driving-phobic and had a license, he could have stayed in bed. But I think the fresh air may have done him some good. And no way could I have done it alone. For one thing, I would never break the law, and for another, I need a co-pilot.

Nine years ago I finished the PhD, and moved on to a new goal. I resolved to finally get my license, with a date in mind of before turning 40. For the first time in my life, I actually practiced. I'd had my permit three times before. When I was 16, I practiced a little and never took the test. For my second permit (in my 20s) and my third (early 30s) I never practiced at all. Those permits were simply glorified IDs.

In 2001, I wound up failing the road test four times. It was really hard to take it that many times. It is more in my nature to walk away with the message of "unworthy." I finally did give up, and never drove again. My permit expired in 2005 and I didn't bother renewing it in the two-year window.

Anyway, whether I actually drive a lot and take another road test remains to be seen. I suspect I won't do it. I'll drive short distances right now and maybe occasionally in the future, even after Bob is cleared to drive again, and be satisfied. I don't see myself ever getting over my nervousness, and frankly, the road test itself is a barrier. I know I could never pass it. Not because I can't execute all the skills competently - but because my nervousness is apparent. I am always hyper-vigilant.

I'm that way as a passenger, too. I'm often that way in other parts of life as well. I was the kid all parents wanted to go with their kid - because they trusted that I would never do anything stupid. Or if something dangerous happened, I would know what to do.

In any event - I'm really proud of myself for driving today.