I almost forgot! Ande is FIV and FeLV negative!! So the pillow pad is something else, probably not that serious. What a relief! All the other bloodwork came back too - all good for Sam and Sophie. Edna has some kidney and heart issues (which I knew about already), but that is to be expected at her age, and even at that, nothing is really, really severe yet.

My classes are going really well, and the toleration class may be the best I've had. However, today I want to write about a pet peeve. My biggest problem in recent semesters is text messaging. It is kind of trivial, but it creates enough of a disruption when it gets out of hand to seem more significant than that.

I announce the first day what the ground rules are, and I put them in the syllabus. But still I see students in almost every class texting. At the second class, one student didn't stop when I told him not to do it, and then he abruptly left when I called him on it again. It was before the add / drop deadline, and I was sure he would drop - but he didn't. Yesterday, another student (in a different class) in the front row thought she was being clever by hiding her PDA under the flap of her pocket book during my opening remarks...head down, texting away, oblivious. If I don't nip the behavior in the bud, it gets so out of control that these addicted students do it constantly, and more and more students join them. Then the ones who aren't doing it get angrier and angrier, and I lose control of the room.

My issue with it isn't really that it is rude (although it is). It isn't even that they aren't paying attention to me (that isn't quite true, it does annoy me when they don't listen and then ask me 1,000 questions later about something I have explained 10 times in class, or - even worse - when they finally hear the answer, proceed to complain about being held to some rule or deadline that has been stated many times, insisting I never said it in class or wasn't clear when I did say it). My biggest issue is that these students are not engaged with other students, or the class, ever. They don't learn, much less contribute anything - because they aren't paying attention, and they don't know what anyone is talking about, so how can they contribute? So they sit there in their own world, connected electronically to people elsewhere, exchanging OMGs and LOLs while surrounded by real people that they don't exchange a word with. It's sad to the point of being creepy.

I know electronic communication is addictive. And it seems that people have a different definition of what constitutes an "emergency" in terms of taking cell phone calls these days. They must always be available. Nothing can wait, even fifteen minutes. Hey, I love my Blackberry too, but how would they like it if I whipped it out while they were speaking and started texting...then looked up after a while and said, "huh?"

The downside of enforcing this rule (aside from my not liking to have to pull rank and call students out) is that the classroom becomes a revolving door - students can't wait to chat but they don't want to risk my wrath, so they leave the room whenever the need arises. And it really isn't possible to force students to stay in their seats - I mean this isn't elementary or high school with hall monitors and passes for the bathroom. I do ask them not to make the classroom a revolving door - again, on the syllabus and on the first day of class, but that is even harder to enforce than a cell and texting ban.

We took the dogs and cats to the vet yesterday. It was basically a well visit, as none are obviously sick. Edna cost the most and took more time, she she is very old (16+). Sam was the fastest and least expensive, since he is young (3) and robust, to say the least. Sophie and Ande were somewhere in between. Sophie is pretty old for a Bassett Hound (10), but there is nothing major wrong with her. (She has severe allergies, but that is nothing new.) Ande is young (1.5 years). Unfortunately, one of the really cute things about him (he is tiny) probably means he is also frail. He doesn't seem ill, but the vet noticed he has plasma cell pododermatitis (pillow foot). Some studies have linked it to FIV, so she tested him for that and FeLV. His results were negative when we first adopted him, but given that he is tiny, hardly eats, gets dirty ears, has this condition on his front pads, and came from a cat colony - who knows. FIV isn't easily transmittable to Edna, but FeLV might be. Then, he is likely to have a decreased lifespan if he has one or both. It sounds to me as if FeLV is the more serious disease, in terms of both ease of transmission and outcome. So I am keeping my fingers crossed that he tests negative again, but I confess that I am a little worried. Poor "Little!" Not sure what I will do about his contact with Edna if he has FeLV. Luckily, they don't fight at all, and really don't share their dishes or groom each other. But they do share a litterbox, and it won't be easy to keep them separate.

I have decided to start sprouting! It's healthy, but not only that: it will help me (somewhat) satiate my gardening "itch" in the winter. I ordered SproutMaster mini trays as well as six varieties of seeds: alfalfa, salad mix (a blend of alfalfa, radish, clover, canola), broccoli, rainbow bean (garbanzo, lentil, pea), garlic, and one other blend (kale, broccoli, red cabbage, yellow mustard). I can't wait to get started; first, I have to soak the seeds overnight.

We went to the Hollywood Brown Derby, a new restaurant in Albany, on Valentine's Day. It was pricey...and wonderful.

Winter break! It is only three weeks into the semester, so it is kind of soon; I don't have a lot of evaluation work to do yet. This may be a good thing, in terms of being able to accomplish a few things I want to do that are not teaching related. Or maybe I'll just rest! Remains to be seen.

Last night, we went to opening night of the play No Child at Capital Repertory in Albany. It was great! It was provacative, which I expected, but it was also quite funny at times, which I was not expecting. And, since it was opening night, there was fabulous food before the show, as well as champagne and a very tempting table of pastries afterwards. (I had a cannoli.)

On Monday, I went to the oral surgeon. Much better experience than the first place! My extraction is scheduled for 3/9.

I am sick again! Not as bad a cold at the one I had on Christmas, but ugh. And although it isn't as severe, it is more the lingering type. Must have picked it up on campus, the students are coughing their heads off.

Before the holiday cold, I hadn't been sick with a head cold since 2005, when Rudy died. But Lyme disease + all those antibiotics + another shot of antibiotics because of my tooth problems = no immunity, I think.

Managed to survive my campus duties though, didn't stay home and cancel classes. Very cold here again, then it is supposed to get warm for the weekend. The extremes can't be good, either.

I can't type on this laptop keyboard at all. How do people text?

The most important news of the day. Groundhog says six more weeks of winter! But I think we all already knew that, because the wooly bears were mostly black and the fall harvest was abundant...and the snowfall total is already above average.

Today is Sophie's made-up birthday. We don't know the actual date, but it is around now, and I thought February 2 would be a fine date. She is 10 years old. So Happy birthday to Weg! (That's just one of her many nicknames.)

I'm not sure why I have been procrastinating on posting the two things I mentioned in an earlier entry that I have been meaning to write about. I mean, if I don't feel like writing here, then who cares? Why bother? It isn't like it is a requirement or a job duty or something. But since today is a snowy day (we're having some winter and January isn't even over yet), I landed on posting them today.

I've been doing some thinking about my experiences at the dentist. What with my looming extraction (I guess I have made peace with that outcome), this has been on my mind. I remembered that as a kid, I went to this guy who I think was supposed to specialize in treating children. At least that's my assumption, because it isn't where anyone else in my family went. I vaguely remember that I gave my mother a hard time about going to the dentist - was scared, uncooperative, etc. My baby teeth ached, and her home remedy was to put whiskey on them. Eventually she took me to this kid's dentist that I mentioned. Even as a small child (I was in early elementary school, I'd say), I thought he was weird. He was one of those people who was way too affectionate, holds you on his lap, etc. I thought it was creepy, how overly friendly he was. I wasn't much a touchy-feely person, even then. He used nitrous oxide rather than Novocaine, and in thinking about it, that may be the real reason my mother took me there.

I remembered this dental experience because some people have told me that I should ask for nitrous oxide when I get my tooth extracted, since I don't really want to be put completely out with IV, and I think many people fear Novocaine. (I can't say I am crazy about it, not so much the needle itself - the problem is the numbness afterwards, but I can deal with it.) But I have no intention of asking for nitrous oxide, because I had it many times at that creepy dentist's, and I hated the strange feeling. Thinking about it almost makes me panic.

A few years after I left his practice and went to the regular dentist my family all used, that weirdo was arrested for molesting, or at least inappropriately touching a woman - or maybe several women, I can't remember. No surprise there.

The second story I wanted to tell was that a couple of weeks ago, I noticed that my niece had gotten one of her ears pierced, not on the lobe, but on the upper part. My sister and I agreed that is one place besides our earlobes where we wouldn't have minded having another hole. (We also agreed that while when we were younger we might have had it done, there is no chance we will do it now.) Then we started reminiscing about our original ear piercings. We both had a second hole done at a jewelry store when we were adults, but our first holes were done by our mother, with a needle, thread, cork, and ice. (Owww!) Then for a couple of weeks afterwards, you had to put alcohol on it and turn the blood-crusted thread. Finally, you could put in gold earrings, but even then, you had to be sure the hole stayed open and apply alcohol for a long time. It was excruciating!! However, we wanted pierced ears so badly, we didn't complain.

In those days, no other girls had pierced ears. You either didn't get them at all, or you waited until you were grown up. My mother did not only both of us, but herself, and many of my sister's friends and our cousins. She told my grandfather that she wanted pierced ears, and he said his sisters had done themselves, using the needle and thread method (probably important to mention here that my grandfather was born in 1874). When we were laughing about it, we asked my mother whether she had asked the other kids' mothers if it was OK for her to pierce their ears? She shook her head no and said "they just went home with pierced ears." Imagine if that happened today - the parents would probably start a lawsuit!

My classes started yesterday. So far so good, except that they are too big overall. I'm not sure if that is a symptom of budget cuts - with less sections being taught, or what.

I've had several ideas recently of things I want to write, but so far, I have not taken the time. Maybe I will get to it soon.

My parents' dog, Mandy, died last night.

She was a gorgeous German Shepherd Dog, very protective and loyal. She loved her "babies," which were plush toys and her crate. She needed a job, and since she wasn't a police dog or guide dog, she found her own. Being alert, guarding the house, herding livestock and people.

She would have turned 9 in March, and her death was a shock. She was ill for only 10 days, and seriously ill for only 5. The cause of death is not known, although she tested postive for Lyme Disease, but that is rarely fatal. Everything was done to save her.

She was much loved.



On Christmas Day, my mother's old barn cat, Pookie, passed away. He was wild, a stray who wandered in when he "retired." She cared for him for over two years, and she was the only one who could get near him. He was a handsome orange cat.

The end of 2008 was not good and the beginning of 2009 is not promising at this point.

I spent the whole day writing student recommendations for graduate school. Lots of other stuff going on too; I've been preoccupied. I won't write about any of it now, except...

My tooth saga continues: Yesterday I went to the endodontist. I really, really liked him. So much, in fact, that I wish I could have him for the work I am facing. I told him I was not comfortable with the original referral and want to hang onto my tooth if possible. He did a lot of those tests of cold, biting down etc. sensitivity, went over my x-ray with me and explained everything in great detail.

Unfortunately, although he was much more personal and explained it so that I understood a lot better, the prognosis is the same. My tooth is hopeless and will have to be extracted, retreatment or apicecotomy are not possible. He said it must have had a huge filling in it before the root canal (it did, ever since I was a teenager) and that it is thin, probably has a fracture in the root (which doesn't show up on x-ray) and it is in bad shape. The infection is actually near the surface, not deep in there near the bottom (the purpose of apicecotomy). It isn't having any impact on either of the teeth beside it. It may have damaged the bone a little, near the top (something the oral surgeon I went to didn't mention, and bone graft was not included in the estimate money-wise or time-wise for the implant).

He said my regular dentist has already done everything possible to save it. Then he said if I wasn't comfortable at the original oral surgeon's (I wasn't) he could refer me somewhere else. He also said that I don't have to decide about the implant right away and I shouldn't feel pressured. He said that I may feel OK with having it gone, since it is a lower tooth far in the back, not visible, with a good tooth on either side. He said I could choose a bridge, but he doesn't recommend it since both teeth on either side are very healthy and there is no reason to weaken them with crowns. Or, he said, ideally I could choose an implant, and that would be like having my own tooth back eventually, but I don't have to make that decision right now.

So he gave me a referral to a building right next door. It is an oral surgeon, and I have a consultation with them on 2/9. I can't say I am thrilled, but I feel a lot more comfortable than I did after going to that practice that catered to dregs (that's awful, I know, but the waiting room was like a bus station. Not in terms of cleanliness or modernity - it was both - but it was huge and the clientele was unsavory. There was a woman yelling about having the show ID, an odd teenager who was turned away, and old lady who was totally out of it. It freaked me out). Plus the oral surgeon never looked in my mouth - I know he could probably tell how bad my tooth is from the x-ray, but still. It seemed he was talking theory instead of about my specific situation.

So, if I like the new oral surgeon I will go with them. I'm only going to focus on the extraction right now, not on the implant process. I also may opt to be awake, rather than knocked out. I am going to ask a lot of questions about how bad the extraction will be (my niece said it wasn't a big deal but she may be tougher than me) before I decide. I'm not crazy about the idea of being knocked out. On the other hand, I am not crazy about being awake while I lose the tooth (both pain wise and emotionally). I emailed my sister, who is also not very tough, and she told me that she has also had a tooth pulled without being knocked out and it wasn't that bad. She said she got a valium and a local, so I think I will ask the oral surgeon about that approach. I may also take a walkman and headphones, as a distraction to the sound. Bob said the sound is worse than the feeling. I think I will probably decide to get an implant eventually. The oral surgeons I am seeing on 2/9 do them also. I plan to ask a lot of questions and give it thought before deciding.

My first post of 2009! I've been catching up on things, puttering around, sleeping in. It feels good. We had another ice storm today, but luckily, have not lost power this time. My appointment for a second opinion on my tooth is Monday; it is doing OK. I read Left to Tell, a sad, but powerful and inspiring story by a survivor of the Rwandan genocide.

Amazing how when you talk to people about tooth extraction, you discover how many people are missing teeth. It is a humbling experience...kind of puts having only one bad tooth in perspective! I did a lot of reading about implants, researched my insurance, etc. Then I discussed implants with my niece (who has one) and sister-in-law (who has had 2). It seems to have been the right procedure for both of them and they are happy with the outcome. I also talked to Bob and my sister, who have both had the procedure my dentist originally recommended (apicectomy), which the transplant dentist pooh-poohed. Finally, I did a lot of thinking about my options. My tooth feels pretty much fine right now. The antibiotics are done, the infections seems to be cleared up at least temporarily, I have been rinsing with salt water and with a special mouthwash. I decided it is not an emergency, and that I would like to hang on to my own tooth if I can.

So right now I am planning to ask my dentist to refer me for a second opinion - this time not to someone who is slanted toward implants (as the other specialist seemed to be - the practice is huge, lots of partners and staff, glitzy modern office, flat screen televisions in the waiting room hawking Procera implants), but instead to someone who specializes in root canals. (I am going to ask him specifically about the oral surgeon who did Bob's apicectomy.) It isn't that I feel the specialist I saw is incompetent - in fact, if I get an extraction and implant, I think it is probably a good place to go, he is board certified, very well credentialed, etc. But I believe I was referred there not because it is what I need, but because they are participating providers in my insurance. (Which after my research I discovered covers 50 percent - so that means the total cost really is something like 7 grand.) Bob's apicectomy worked fine, but he had to have it for a different reason than I will - but my sister's case was identical to mine, and hers also worked fine. So I am not ready to throw in the towel on that approach. I am going to take the risk - and if it doesn't work out - then I will consider the extraction / implant path.

I called the specialist's office yesterday morning and canceled the extraction. I called my dentist to discuss my thinking with him - and he is on vacation until 1/5 (I will follow up next week). Really hoping my poor tooth hangs in there until then (so far, so good). So that is just taking control of my situation, instead of allowing myself to be pushed into something just because a specialist manipulates me.

This part is more about alternative thinking. I have two root canal / crown teeth at this point. I have never had any other major problems (aside from crooked teeth and fillings in most molars), I even have all four wisdom teeth. My first tooth to act up and need a crown was in 2000, when I was writing my dissertation. It wasn't infected, just sensitive, and my dentist, who I have gone to for 20 years and have a lot of confidence in, and who is on the same page as me (in that he doesn't recommend unnecessary procedures) told me at that time that he felt I would never be happy with crowns, so I should delay as long as possible and just baby it, unless it acted up so badly that I couldn't tolerate it.

He told me the reason I was having a problem was because I bite down hard (not grind) on my teeth when I am sleeping. I know this happens primarily when I am stressed. The problems is due to aging, and having a large filling in the molar that acts as a wedge, which causes fissures in the root and nerve sensitivity. So I did nothing about it until 2003, when I experienced another stressful episode. I believe I was doing the biting down thing again and the pain got to the point where I couldn't tolerate it. I got a crown on that tooth. About the same time, another molar started to be sensitive (this is the one that is bothering me now). I did nothing about the second tooth aside from having the dentist check it, and it mostly went away. In 2005, my beloved dog Rudy got ill, I did the chomping thing again, and the original crowned tooth flared to the point where it needed a root canal, which I had done (no choice, nerve pain was horrible). After that, I decided I would not have any more crowns done until they also needed a root canal. I also had the dentist make me a mouth guard, so that I didn't chomp myself into more crowns and root canals when I experience stress.

The mouth guard worked pretty well, but in September 2007 I had a root canal and crown done on the tooth which is now a problem, because it flared into that intolerable nerve pain. I eventually (January 2008) had to have my first crown replaced, because he had to drill through it to do the root canal, and the crown didn't hold up too well. (Now that tooth is perfect.) But the second root canal / crown tooth that is bothering me now has never been right. I know a piece of nerve must have been left in there. It was a nightmare procedure all around. First, I had a reaction in my optical nerve from the Novocaine - it crossed over and my eye fluttered and heart raced. It was awful having a root canal under those conditions. Then, the assistant gave him the wrong compound to make the impression, and it didn't harden properly - the dentist wound up having a fight with her right in front of me, which was awful. Then, he couldn't find the last root and it took forever - he even had to give me break during the procedure. (This is what happened to my sister too, I guess it is not uncommon for roots to be twisted and hard to find on molars.) Finally, my bite was screwed up and he had to file the crown down many times.

Now that I've had more work done the bite guard really doesn't fit right and I am not crazy about wearing it anyway - what with pre-menopause etc. I have enough trouble sleeping without the added irritation of a mouth full of plastic. So what happened? No electricity, a clogged chimney and pending grading deadline - I was (no doubt) chomping away in my sleep (combined with the aftermath of Lyme disease and many rounds of immunity weakening antibiotics) and that tooth which has never been right flares into an infection.

So in thinking about it, I decided that bite guards, sleeping pills, even crowns / root canals and certainly extractions / implants are "the ambulance at the bottom of the hill" rather than the "fence at the top of the hill." I need to figure out a way to manage stress that actually conquers it. It is part of good health anyway, even if I wasn't ruining my teeth.

The punch line: I have several books on skilled relaxation and I have tried a few approaches that kind of work (tapping being one) but in 2009 I am going to pursue it more formally - I am going to try to locate a practitioner to teach me meditation or some other skilled relaxation practice such as yoga or tai chi. (I do use prayer as a pathway, but I don't believe it gets me into that state of mind required for true SR.) Yoga or Tai Chi will require me to overcome my aversion to athletics (another story), so meditation is probably more my speed. I have told a few others - I won't say they were hostile to the idea, but let's just say they were skeptical, to SR and all things holistic. The medical model's reliance on things like Paxil and mouth guards and surgery is hard to break away from, I guess. And naturally all have great respect for the approaches advocated by conventional doctors.

As an end to a perfect month...I came down with a wicked cold on Christmas Eve. I think it has been over three years since I have had a cold. But considering my current state of mind and overall burned-out-ness, it should not be a surprise.

I am done with grades!! I made the deadline. YAY.

Tooth feels OK. I may cancel the extraction / implant. We'll see, but at the moment I'm feeling that I am not ready to give up on it yet.

Lots of snow here.

Hmmm...the link button in the menu is back.

I am having a Murphy's Law kind of week. Why does this kind of stuff always happen right when the semester ends and grades are due?

2) Friday 12/5 - Wednesday 12/10. I hinted at this in my last post. Hot water heater starts putting out soot. Plumber says it is not the hot water heater or furnace. Instead, the chimney is clogged, and it is very dangerous. (Luckily we have natural gas rather than oil.) Chimney cleaner says blockage is complete, and he is unable to access it. Ceiling in kitchen had to be ripped down to access pipe. No heat, HW for several days during repair. Turns out brick, surrounded by leaves and other crap was completely blocking chimney. Cost: $882; not suffocating = priceless.

3) Tuesday 12/9 - Monday 12/15 (and ongoing). I hinted at this in my last post, too. Molar #18, which had root canal / crown ~18 months ago, develops sudden infection. Referred to oral surgeon who recommends extraction / implant. Cost: $2500 - $3500; not being candidate for Erskine Caldwell novel = priceless.

4) Thursday 12/11 - Monday 12/15 (and ongoing for nephew, friends, neighbors). Ice storm hammers Northeast. No power for 51 hours during cold snap. Saturday night was brutal! I didn't think my old cat Edna would survive it. (Still have no cable, but that's barely worth mentioning). Cost: $300 give or take, for kerosene heater, batteries, candles, lost food, ice, lamp oil, driving around in search of kerosene; not having pipes freeze or (take 2) suffocating = priceless.

This is 1, based on date, but it is so minor in the scheme of things at this point that I am putting it last:

1) Wednesday 12/3 - Tuesday 12/9. Desktop monitor blows. Cost: $150; being able to grade student work = wish I didn't have to. (Sorry, it has a price.)

To think I was a little upset about the expense of the chimney! Silly me. The second night, the power outage was getting me down - and then the power came back and all was well. So now it is the tooth problem. I am feeling blue over it, both because I need the procedure, and because I hate the thought of losing a tooth. I know once the implant is all done (a long time from now!) and I am 3K lighter, it will almost seem like my own tooth.

I know it could be a lot worse, this is not major stuff at all, but the 12/22 grading deadline seems ridiculous to me right now, and during the power outage that was weighing heavily on my mind. So rather than give myself an ulcer, I emailed the students to let them know my litany of woes, and to warn them that I will try to be finished, but I might not make the deadline.

That made me feel a little better. Then I went and took a nap. I'll start fresh tomorrow.

I got an email solicitation from this student

At first I thought it was spam, then I thought it was kind of clever, and finally, I was irritated by his nerve. (Then I deleted it.) I don't know his financial situation, but if his parents can afford to pay, as the article states, why is he emailing me? It is presumptuous! I have a lot more worthy charities on my list. Plus, I am an adjunct - my position is practically volunteer work. Hey, I completely sympathize with the unfairness of a mid-year tuition increase. I am upset about the economy, and I am more disgusted over Governor Paterson's inept management of the State budget than many people seem to be. When I read the article, I became even more irritated at this obnoxious guy than I was when I received the email. I have a news flash for him: you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. The faculty are terrible but you still have the audacity to ask them for a handout? Why would someone with that attitude think he was worthy of my support? Now that you've had your 15 minutes of fame: Get lost.

The menu with the ability to link within the text seems to have vanished from blogger. Not sure what is up - but that is the reason for the title with the link, it is the only way I could do it.

In other news, we got a Christmas tree from the boy scouts on Sunday. It is a beautiful scotch pine. And I discovered yesterday that I need oral surgery! Blah. Right now, I am waiting for a guy to come and clean our chimney. I wish he would come, so I could go back to focusing on grading. (And let the dogs out of the bedroom.)

I am reading A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini. I am nearly finished (I would have been done last night but decided not to stay up until 2 am reading, the way I had for the past several nights). A beautiful book, also devastating. I should have waited until after grades were done (12/22) to pick it up, since I have no self-control when I like a book, but oh well!

Classes for the Fall semester were done last week. All in all, it was a good semester, but I am not sorry to see it come to an end.